


find someone (like you)

by KayCeeCruz



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Emmerdale Big Bang, Emmerdale Big Bang Round 1, F/M, Fluff, Jackson is not dead, M/M, Stupid Boys being Stupid, feelings everywhere, they have much sex but definitely way more feelings, well not that much sex but some
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 13:17:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11921718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayCeeCruz/pseuds/KayCeeCruz
Summary: title taken from lyrics for All I Have By KodalineRobert Sugden walks into Emmerdale after nine years bringing with him little of the boy who left. Aaron Dingle's life has been stuck in the same place for years. They meet and everything changes...Art by dasoniEmmerdale Big Bang 2017





	1. Part 1: The End

                                                                                

_part i._

 

It still looks exactly as he remembers it.

 

That’s the first thought that crosses Robert’s mind when he parks his car outside of the Woolpack. It’s been nine years since he’d stepped foot in the village. When he came back to say goodbye to Jack, he’d bypassed the village, hadn’t wanted to see it, too many memories that haunted him.

 

He opens the car door and steps out, his boots hitting the gravel hard. There are a few familiar faces and he feels a warmth inside his chest. Somewhere underneath that thrums that little bit of anger that would never go away, but he’d learned long ago that was okay. He needs to accept it.

 

Taking a deep breath, he nods to himself and makes his way to the pub entrance. The door is heavy in his hand and he pauses for a moment before he enters. That deep aroma of yeast hits him and he smiles. He sees Victoria and Diane at the bar, watches as they turn, and Diane, eyes wide, says, “Robert.”

 

His smile is wide as he looks back and forth between them. “Miss me?”

 

Robert Sugden is home.

 

\--

 

There are days he regrets ever agreeing to Chrissie’s demented request that he return to Emmerdale and run Home Farm for the Whites.

 

_“It was your idea to invest in it, Robert.”_

 

_“I’m aware of that, Chrissie.”_

_“Well then, don’t moan at me about it.” Her eyes flashed with something, held his, and her mouth formed into a smirk that he recognised. “You owe me.”_

 

_Robert kept the nasty retort back and sighed, turning away._

 

He’d broken them. The fact that Lawrence hadn’t fired him after Chrissie found out about Robert cheating was all down to Chrissie knowing how valuable Robert was. Chrissie finding Robert in bed with another man had been more a shock to him than to her, if he was honest. He is grateful that Chrissie hadn’t been invested in them as much as Robert had wanted her to be. Donnie had made her cautious.

 

The fact that he was with another man had strangely enough also helped.

 

~

_“Why didn’t you tell me you were gay, Robert?” Her voice was steel, eyes hard, and stance so rigid Robert was afraid she would break._

 

_“I am not gay, Chrissie.”_

 

_He wasn’t._

 

_Her eyebrow was relentless in those days and she raised it, lips pressing together in a thin line of anger. “Really?”_

 

_Robert hadn’t been able to look at her. He wasn’t going to –_

 

_“Are you – do you like both?”_

 

_It was cautious and he cursed her in his head for being so smart. He never said it out loud, barely knew how to accept it for himself. He didn’t want to answer, but she would wait him out, so…_

 

_He nodded then and her small puff of laughter had made him look at her. She was smiling a little. “Well, at least that makes me feel – like it wasn’t a complete waste of time.”_

~

 

Robert thinks he could have loved her – might have if they’d kept going – but he knows that he would have ruined them both. So, they’d rebuilt a tremulous friendship and he’d kept his job. He’d been relieved that his punishment hadn’t been that bad.

 

Until Chrissie had bought Home Farm and told him he was going to run it and to get ready to go back home.

 

Yeah, Chrissie knew how to get her own back.

 

And now. Here he is. Trying hard not to give in to Katie pushing him to lose it. He and Andy had already had one fight in the middle of the village, fists and crude words, both equally hurtful. She calls out his mistakes, spitting out her anger, that Robert doesn’t understand anymore. He’d known her better than anyone once and he’d hurt her, but this – there is something deeper there that he can’t bother looking at.

 

She calls him a man whore and he can’t help it, snaps out, “That’s rich coming from the village bike.”

 

He sees the disappointment in Victoria’s eyes and he can’t deal with it. He hasn’t even been back a week. He turns on his heel, his eyes falling to one of the corner booths, locking on a pair of blue eyes, and his movement falters for a moment before he is out the door.

 

He refrains from calling Chrissie and telling her to fuck off with this job, but only just.

 

\--

 

“Well, he was pleasant.”

 

Aaron turns his head to Jackson and smiles a little. “I can’t say as I blame him. She’d been having a go at him since he sat at the bar.”

 

He sees Jackson make a face. “He could ignore it, Aaron.”

 

Aaron looks away, shakes his head. “Sometimes you just can’t.”

 

Jackson says nothing and they go back to sipping their pints. There’s tension between them that’s been building for weeks and Aaron can’t figure out what to do, how to fix them. Days like this he wants to walk out, not look back. Aaron thinks about going to Victoria, sussing out what’s happened, but then thinks better of it.

 

None of his business.

 

He drinks his pint and ignores the dread that something is coming. He watches Jackson from the corner of his eye, catches the light bounce on his curly, dark hair and remembers running his hands through it. How much Jackson loves it. Used to love it. He can barely feel anything. He never pushes Aaron away but his face shuts off whenever Aaron tries. So, he doesn’t anymore. Aaron curls his fingers together into a fist, presses the nails into his skin to keep from reaching out.

 

\--

 

Robert meets Aaron Dingle officially a week after his fight with Katie.

 

Andy had come round - at Diane’s urging, Robert thinks - and he’d agreed to a pint. Just the two of them.

 

Robert sits at the bar, waiting for Andy, when someone takes the seat next to his. He turns his head, meets those blue eyes again, a sharp tug in his chest and warmth spreads through him, and he smiles, wide and blinding.

 

He is ignored with a snort and then the same guy orders a pint, looks anywhere but at Robert.

 

He can’t say he isn’t annoyed, but he doesn’t need to try hard to pull someone. Not about to start now.

 

Victoria comes out from the back, looks between them and grins. “You’s two met, then?”

 

Robert turns to look at the man next to him, shakes his head. “Haven’t had the pleasure.”

 

Vic points between the two of them. “Robert, this is my mate. Aaron. Dingle. Aaron, this is me brother, Robert.”

 

A Dingle. Of course. That explains the rudeness, he supposes. The thought makes him freeze. That was his dad. Robert remembers how he always felt about them. Jack’s voice is always in Robert’s head and he tries hard to ignore him, tends to go out of his way these days to forget the things his dad said to him.

 

Robert holds out his hand. “Hiya, Aaron.”

 

Aaron blinks then smirks a little before clasping Robert’s hand in his. “Yeah.”

 

That is the beginning of the end for Robert. That is the moment everything changes.

 

He just doesn’t know it yet.

 

\--

 

Aaron doesn’t see Robert a lot. He works all the time, is what Vic tells him. When he does see him, it’s usually at the pub. He hears about him through the village gossips. The rows he has with his family, mostly, or Katie. When he moves into The Mill, the whole village talks about it for a week. His mom doesn’t like him and Paddy thinks he’s a prick, but to be fair none of them know Robert.

 

Aaron catches Jackson watching Robert a couple of times, asks what that’s about, a quiet, dull ache in his chest that never goes away. He can hardly read Jackson anymore. It’s not jealousy, he wishes it was sometimes, but Aaron isn’t worried because Jackson doesn’t look at anyone anymore. Not even Aaron, really.

 

Jackson’s face does that thing that Aaron knows means he is mentally shrugging. “He is terrible.”

 

Aaron looks at Robert, wants to defend him for some reason. He doesn’t know him but-

 

“But I reckon he’s got reasons,” Jackson finishes, and Aaron grins at him, kisses his cheek. Some days his Jackson, his friend, makes an appearance. The one that was willing to give people a chance. He misses him, that ache in his chest growing stronger when he gets him back. Even if just for a little bit.

 

He turns back and catches Robert looking away. Aaron frowns. He can tell that Robert is not looking their way on purpose. He doesn’t like it and waits until Robert is at the bar, ordering another round, before he goes to get his own. He leans slightly against the bar top, stares at Robert’s profile until he looks at him, raising a questioning eyebrow, his eyes curious. There is something clawing at Aaron’s insides.

 

“Jackson is my boyfriend.”

 

Robert’s eyes widen in surprise, confused at the statement. “I – yeah. Figured as much.” He glances back at Jackson and Aaron can tell Robert is uncomfortable, that he can’t look at Aaron.

 

“You have a problem with it.” It’s not a question, and Robert chokes on his drink before looking at Aaron.

 

“What?”

 

“You homophobic, Sugden?”

 

Robert’s face closes off slightly. “What the fuck? I said nowt—”

  
Aaron shakes his head. “Didn’t hafta. I saw your face when I kissed Jackson. You got a problem with men kissing, is that it?”

 

Robert’s face does a complicated dance, and he lets out a humorless laugh before he looks Aaron in the eye. “No, mate. I really don’t.”

 

He grabs his drink, walks away and leaves Aaron standing there, angry and a little lost.

 

Paddy was right. The bloke was a prick.  

 

\--

 

“Fuck.”

 

Robert steers his car carefully, his tires skidding on the wet road a few times before he gets control back. The downpour had come out of nowhere, and he’s ten minutes out of the village. He is knackered. His meetings had run long and all he wants is to go to his flat and go to sleep. It wasn’t his original plan but even Robert couldn’t have pulled with how he done in he was. There’s a car a few hundred feet in front of him that keeps swerving and Robert wants to avoid it as much as he can. The road is slick, makes it hard to keep steady, and Robert keeps his eyes ahead.

 

He is glad for it when not a minute later there’s a shadow of something run across the road in front of the car ahead of him. He sees it swerve to one side, slow for a moment, and Robert knows what’s just happened. His foot jerks, instinct screaming to hit the brakes but he stops, eases his foot off the accelerator. The car slides gently to a stop and Robert squints into the road, the dark and rain making it hard to see. There’s a movement to his right and he stares, sees it again and steps out of the car.

 

He is careful in his approach because his day hasn’t indicated this is a good idea at all. Then he sees it clearly. A small ball of fur, shivering, and this close Robert can hear the soft whining. The dog is fairly small, maybe a puppy, and Robert doesn’t think twice. He scoops it up in his arms. Its trembles are making it shake hard in his hands. He grits his teeth, can’t imagine what kind of fucking arse would hit a dog and just leave it there. Robert returns to the car, set the dog on the passenger seat, and turns his engine back on.

 

Robert’s not sure there’s an emergency vet hospital nearby, but he guesses that Paddy Kirk works all hours so he heads into the village, bypasses his own flat, and heads to the vet practice. He keeps one eye on the dog. It has triangular-shaped ears, looks brown in color but that could be the dark and rain. He can see its legs don’t look right and there’s a steady bit of blood seeping into his seats.

 

“Shit. Fuck.”

 

His hand reaches out, touches the fur on top of the little dog’s head and strokes, tries to soothe the sad, pained sounds. “You’re alright. It’s fine. We’ll get you somewhere, yeah?” He breathes in relief when he can make out the shape of a car parked outside Paddy’s Vets. Robert hopes it’s Paddy but anyone will do. He opens his jacket, bundles the dog underneath, closing it, and jogs his way into the clinic. He can feel something seep into his shirt, tries not to think how much blood is in his car and now on his person.

 

He makes out different voices coming from the back, some laughter, as he bursts in the door and stands dripping wet in the reception. No one’s at the front, but it’s late, so that’s not a surprise.

 

“Hello, I need some help.”

 

The voices stop, footsteps approach, and then Paddy stands on the threshold just beyond the back room. For one second he scowls, but then he notices what Robert is holding and his face morphs into concern. “What’s happened?”

 

Robert shivers, the cold hits him suddenly and he shakes his head, teeth chattering. “Some wanker ran him over. Didn’t even stop. I’m not sure -- he stopped shaking but there’s blood and he is -- I’m not sure --”

 

Paddy seems frozen as he watches Robert stutter, and something changes in his face. Robert doesn’t know what it means and frankly could care less. He just doesn’t want this dog to die in his arms. Or at all if he could help it.

 

“It’s alright, Robert. I’ve got this. Here, hand him over.” Paddy holds his hands out, soothes Robert with a quiet, “I promise to take care of him. You just sit and we’ll be back soon, yeah?”

 

Robert does as told, watches as Paddy heads to the back, brushing past someone. Robert focuses and realises that someone is Aaron Dingle. He keeps flicking his gaze between the back room and Aaron. He can’t stop shaking. There’s a hard, wooden seat behind him and he sits, rubs his hands over his thighs to try to warm himself up. He doesn’t know how long he’s been there when a mug of tea comes into his line of sight.

 

Robert looks up in surprise. Aaron holds it steady, hint of a smile on his face. Robert’s heart flips a little in his chest and he clears his throat, grabs for the mug which is hot in his hands. It warms him up as he takes a sip, stops to swallow, and then glances up at Aaron, tries to smile back.

 

“Ta.”

 

Aaron shrugs at that and takes the seat next to him. “You alright? Didn’t get hurt out there, did you?”

 

Robert shakes his head. “Nah, just the pup got unlucky.”

 

Aaron nods. Robert sees him open and close his mouth a few times, thinking and re-thinking whether to say something. Robert rolls his eyes, sighs as he turns his head to look at Aaron.

 

“Go on then. Say whatever you’ve been trying to.”

 

“No, it’s just -- you didn’t seem the type to stop to save a dog in the middle of a storm. I don’t know what to say to that guy. The other one -- the prick who I kind of want to punch sometimes -- that one I can insult.”

 

That’s the most Aaron’s said to him since the disaster at the pub a few weeks before, and Robert stares for a moment, sees Aaron’s lips twitch, understands the teasing. He looks away and makes an effort not to ask Aaron what type he thinks he is.

 

Robert knows.

 

He drinks from his tea, clears his throat again (because apparently Aaron Dingle makes it impossible for Robert to say words) before speaking. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’ll want to punch me again in the morning.” He catches Aaron’s look of confusion and waves in the general direction of his own face. “Its default setting is arrogant dick. It’s a wonder I don’t get punched more often than I do.”

 

Aaron’s laugh is loud and deep. His eyes squint shut a little and he bites his lip to try and stop himself laughing. Robert stares at him, wants to make him do that again, but Paddy chooses that moment to come out from the back. Robert stands up fast, tries to gauge from Paddy’s face and finds he can’t.

 

Then Paddy smiles wide and nods his head. “He’ll be alright. The car must have just clipped him. The wound was deep but nowhere that will cause permanent damage. I got him stitched up. He broke one leg, but it was simple break so I’ve got him set up for a cast. He’ll be right as rain in a few weeks.”  Paddy is giving him a look similar to Aaron, and Robert squirms, bites his tongue to keep from saying something snarky. He nods as he stands, reaches into his pocket but Paddy’s sharp “No” stops him. He looks up and Paddy shakes his head. “Don’t.”

 

Robert glances back from Paddy to Aaron, moves toward the door. “Will -- is there a place -- I can’t take care of anything but --”

 

Paddy waves him away with another smile. “I’ll keep him until I can find him a proper home.”

 

Robert breathes out. “Okay. Good. I’m going then.” He hands his mug back to Aaron, his fingers brushing against Aaron’s hand, tamps down a shiver when he feels the touch in his gut. Aaron’s eyes are wide but he manages to give Robert a tiny smile.

 

Paddy frowns, steps his way, and Robert moves closer to the door. “It’s coming down stair rods out there. Wait until it calms at least.”

 

“Mine’s not far. I’ll be alright.”

Paddy and Aaron share a look, something passing between them, but Robert can’t be bothered. He’s cold and soaking from the monsoon, nerves shot from the adrenaline, and being near Aaron Dingle does things Robert doesn’t want to think about. He needs to go.

 

“Thanks for the assist, Paddy.”

 

“Anytime.”

 

Aaron’s still looking at him but he doesn’t stop him, just gives him another small smile and says, “See ya.”

 

Robert nods at him. “Yeah.” He has to get out of there. Robert practically runs to his car and doesn’t glance back once.

 

Aaron is a danger Robert needs to avoid.

 

\--

 

Aaron thinks that nothing Robert Sugden did after running into his dad’s practice with a tiny, hurt dog in his jacket would surprise him. Even how Aaron wasn’t prepared for the way his chest ached at the look of relief on Robert’s face when Paddy had saved the pup.

 

Next time he sees him, Robert’s holding his brother back, trying to talk him out of punching Ryan. He stops in his tracks, swings Jackson round so that he can see too and watches it all unfold. He can’t make everything out but if he had to bet --

 

“So she’s slept with Ryan, has she?” Jackson’s voice seems to be wavering between amused and exasperated.

 

Aaron shakes his head as Robert drags Andy out of the street and into the pub. Robert’s face is a mixture of anger and worry. He wants to see if he can help, but it’s been a long day already and he knows Jackson. He glances down at Jackson’s tired expression.

 

“Do you wanna go?”

 

Jackson nods and Aaron changes direction, heads back to Jackson’s cottage. It’s Thursday which is his night to stay at Jackson’s. Aaron’s not sure why they still do it. Jackson’s not comfortable with Aaron around, some nights they end up fighting and Aaron’ll sleep on the couch in the front room. Other nights Jackson lets him stay and they’ll lie close. They rarely touch, not anymore. It became too hard for Jackson not to be able to feel anything. He hates that he can’t touch Aaron either. Not the way he once did. Aaron tries to avoid making him feel worse about it but it’s not been easy for either of them. Some nights are good because it doesn’t matter and they can be a little of themselves.

 

They have one of their good nights, and Aaron’s smiling a little as he leaves the cottage and heads to the garage. He has a few work orders that need doing. He drops his keys, rolls his eyes toward the sky before bending to grab them. Aaron’s thinking about going back to the Woolpack for brekkie and glances down the road towards the Mill, wonders if Robert might fancy a bite. The door to the Mill opens and Aaron stops, frowns when he sees a dark haired man step out. Robert’s standing at the door and Aaron’s mind screeches to a halt when Robert grabs the other man by the collar and kisses him. Robert takes his time, doesn’t stop until a taxi rolls down the driveway. Aaron watches as the other man gets into the cab, as Robert turns to go back into his flat but freezes as he sees Aaron staring at him. Aaron can’t make out his face, but the set of his shoulders and the way he raises his head tells him that Robert’s expecting an attack. Aaron can’t even process it. Remembers Robert’s face when Aaron accused him of -- Robert’s gone back inside, and Aaron wonders if he stands there long enough he could make sense of it.

 

What he does know is that he owes Robert an apology. Obviously.

 

“You are a right idiot, Dingle.”

 

\--

 

It’s Robert, so of course it’s not so easy.

 

Robert starts avoiding him for days and Aaron can’t rightly blame him. He wants to, for reasons he doesn’t understand or think about, be near Robert. It’s been a long time -- not since Adam -- since Aaron’s wanted to be someone’s mate.

 

Robert is an asshole.

 

But he’s an asshole who cares.

 

The village can’t stop talking about Robert supporting Andy through the mess with Katie, and Aaron suspects that Ryan and Katie’s sudden exit wasn’t just a coincidence. Chas’ even started insulting him with a smile these days.

 

Every time Robert sees Aaron, he looks ready to run out whatever exit is nearest.

 

He knows Robert’s afraid. Of what Aaron will say or how he’ll react, so the next time he catches someone coming out of the Mill (pretty, redheaded woman this time), Aaron waves at Robert before he goes back inside, catches the quick flash of surprise, and Robert waves back tentatively.

 

Aaron leaves him to it and heads back up the village for some breakfast at the cafe.

When he glances back, Robert is still standing in his door, watching him.

 

He didn’t run to hide.

 

It’s a start, Aaron thinks.

 

\----

 

Robert’s sat in the pub, nursing a pint, when Aaron sits next to him. He tenses, doesn’t take his eyes off his glass, and waits.

 

Waits to hear what Aaron has to say.

 

“MInd if I buy the next round?”

  
Robert meets Aaron’s eyes. There’s warmth and kindness, understanding there. Aaron doesn’t wait for a response, motions to Chas.

 

“Two please, mum.”

 

Aaron starts telling Robert a story about the time he worked with Zak on the farm and Robert feels like the grip of fear in his heart dissipates. He starts to laugh as they share stories until Andy shows up. Aaron pays for the drinks, pats Robert’s shoulder once, and leaves him and his brother to it.

 

Whatever self-preservation Robert had left, it’s gone.

 

\--

 

They start having a pint a couple of nights a week. Aaron’s not a talker and Robert tries not to be one, but with each other it comes easier. Their conversations range from footie (apparently they root for the same teams) to annoying little sisters (Aaron has a twelve-year-old sister that he sees more often than not) to their families (who are insane in their own ways). Aaron complains about the punters that end up at the garage. Robert tells stories about the god awful sales teams he meets with on a daily.

 

Not once does Aaron ask Robert about what he saw. He doesn’t seem to think twice about it and that’s why he tells him.

“I’m not confused you know,” Robert bites out, not looking directly at Aaron. From the corner of his eye, he notices Aaron pause, pint halfway to his mouth, and turn to him. Robert’s heart is in his throat, beating hard and fast. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if Aaron --

 

“I’ve not thought you were.”

 

“I’m bi.”

 

“Kinda got that, Rob.”

 

It’s the tone that makes him glance at Aaron and Robert’s stomach flips like it always does when Aaron’s gaze is on him. He can’t ever describe that particular shade of blue but it stays with him into his dreams. Aaron grins at him then and it’s everything not to reach over to touch his fingers against it, feel it down the length of his arm and on his skin.

 

God, he’s bonkers for Aaron.

 

He manages to drink, gives time to get himself together, and winks at Aaron when he says, “Alright, then. You come and be my designated mate when I’m on the pull.”

  
Aaron snorts. “You embarrass yourself on your own, Sugden.”                                    

 

Robert grins back until he notices his brother enter. The comfort and ease he finds with Aaron, the way he can be himself disappears and he pulls away slightly. He tries to smile up at Andy as he passes by and orders Robert to get him a drink.

 

Aaron watches as Robert orders another drink but doesn’t say anything. His phone pings with a message, his face softens and Robert knows it’s Jackson. Aaron finishes off his drink. “I gotta go.” He pauses, waits until Robert meets his gaze, and reaches out to squeeze Robert’s shoulder. “They’d understand, you know.”

 

The spot on Robert’s shoulder tingles and Aaron’s words stay with him long after Aaron is gone.

 

\--

 

He does it one night during family tea.

 

Diane’s telling a story about Doug and his vegetables. Robert would rather risk them all hating him than have to listen to that one more minute.

 

“I’ve something to tell the lot of you,” he interrupts her, staring down at his plate and moving his fork around it, creating paths through his potatoes.

 

“What is it, pet?” Diane sounds worried and Robert knows she thinks he’s done something wrong like he is known to.

 

The silence stretches for moments while Robert tries to find the right way to say what he needs to.

 

“Rob?”

 

He takes a breath, expels it loudly, and looks up into three pairs of eyes. “I’m not -- that is -- I date men. And women. I like men and women. Both.”

 

Andy blinks at him, Diane’s brow furrows, and Victoria -- Victoria nods. Her eyes shine with tears and Robert thinks maybe relief. It doesn’t surprise him. His sister notices more than any of them give her credit for.

 

“I’m bisexual.”

 

He says it out loud to them so there’s no mistake. He picks up his fork and continues to eat. If they have questions, he’ll answer them, but there isn’t anything more to add.

  
Andy is the one that speaks first.

 

“You date men and women?”

 

Robert nods his head but doesn’t look at his brother. He isn’t sure he wants to see the same thing in Andy’s face that he saw in Jack’s. They were always more alike than Robert was comfortable with.

 

“Okay.”

 

Robert knows better. Andy’s too much like their father to be completely at ease with it, but he isn’t giving him problems and that’s a win. Diane’s hand covers his and he looks up at her soft, loving smile.

 

“Thank you for telling us, Robert. We love you, you know that? No matter what.”

 

He doesn’t know that but he wants to believe it, so he squeezes her hand back gently. “Yeah.”

 

\-- --

 

Aaron grins as he reads Robert’s text.

 

_I told them._

 

_I’m chuffed for you, mate. Good going._

 

“What’s the smile about?”

 

Aaron glances up at Jackson and remembers why he’s there. He starts pulling the take-away out of its bag. The curry smells amazing and his stomach growls. “Oh, Robert. He just --” He hadn’t told Jackson and he wasn’t sure whether Robert would want him to tell anyone. He bites his lip nervously and Jackson’s eyes narrow.

 

“What’s happened? He do something?”

 

Aaron shakes his head. “Nah. He - he just - did something brave is all. Proud of him, ya know?”

 

Jackson’s face loses its tension and he gives Aaron a knowing look. “He told them he was bi?”

 

Aaron stops piling the food on his plate, mouth open slightly before he catches himself, and he asks on a laugh, “How did you know?”

Jackson rolls his eyes. “Please give me some credit. I know interest when I see it, Aaron.”

 

Aaron raises an eyebrow. “Interest?” He doesn’t get what Jackson means. He starts to ask him to explain but catches the way Jackson’s gaze flicks away, the tension in the line of his mouth. Something churns in his stomach. Jackson had asked him to come over and Aaron thought -- he’s not sure what he thought but he knows -- deep inside -- that this is it. This is where this has been heading.

 

“Jackson, don’t.”

 

“See, you already know, Aaron.”

 

“Can we not, please?”

 

Jackson closes his eyes. “Mum got a job. In Ireland.” He opens them to meet Aaron’s glare. “It’s for nearly a year.”

 

He feels like the floor is dropping out from under him. Aaron shakes his head, sets the plate in his hand on the nearest surface so it doesn’t fall. “What, but I thought -- you said it wasn’t for sure and that it --”

 

“Aaron.”

 

He stops talking, waits for Jackson to finish what he wants to say. He already knows. It’s the same argument they’ve had for years. One that Aaron is sick of and the more he hears it, the angrier it makes him.

 

“Not this again.”

 

“Stop pretending it’s not a problem,” Jackson hisses out, frustration evident in his voice. “You need to do this.”

 

“Stop telling me how I feel or what I need to do, Jackson.” Aaron’s shaking with anger, his hands balled into fists. He trembles with pain and grief because they’ve been bandaging their relationship for a long time. Jackson pushing Aaron away and Aaron digging in more.

 

Except he’s tired. He doesn’t want to fight anymore.

 

Jackson’s anger comes through loud and clear. “Fine, then. How about you understand how _I_ feel? I can’t stand this, Aaron. I hate that I feel this way but I do. I don’t want you to waste your life.”

 

“It’s mine to waste if I want!”

 

“And it’s my choice not to want you to! This isn’t what I want, Aaron. Not anymore. This is about me, too.”

 

And there’s nothing Aaron can do about that. Jackson’s insistence that Aaron is missing out on something by being with him, that he needs to be with other men. It’s not what Aaron wants. He isn’t -- he isn’t dead. He does notice other men, but he’s never wanted anyone bad enough to sacrifice his life with Jackson. They’ve talked it to death. Jackson pushing for an open relationship that would allow Aaron to be with someone else physically. But Aaron’s not the type to do that, with or without permission. The guilt would eat him up inside.

 

“This isn’t a life, Aaron.” Jackson reads his mind and Aaron pulls a face. “Not for me and not for you. There’s been -- I can’t feel anything and I don’t want to hate myself for not being able to give you something you want.”

 

Aaron’s pacing the floor as Jackson talks, moving in and out of his sight line. He knows that drives Jackson crazy, leaves him in a snit most of the time, but he can’t care right now. His eyes are stinging and he hates all of this.

 

“We’re leaving in a week.”

 

He comes to a halt in front of Jackson. His boyfriend. The man he’s loved for years. “So, you’ve made the decision for us both?”

 

“I’ve made it for me, Aaron. I need to do this. I need to be away from this village.”

 

_From you._

 

The words aren’t spoken but Aaron hears them clearly. Jackson wants to get away from him.

 

Aaron grabs his jacket from where it’s laying on the couch, turns to the door, and without a backward glance, he walks out and away from Jackson, leaving his shattered heart behind. He leans against the side of the cottage, rubs his eyes, wiping away the tears. His phone buzzes and he glances down at it, sees Robert’s name. It makes his chest hurt even more and he doesn’t know why.

 

_Pint later? Celebrate?_

 

Aaron’s fingers itch to reply but he doesn’t, just tucks the phone back in his pocket. He’s not fit for company and he’s not about to subject Robert to his mood.

 

Aaron turns toward the Woolpack, trudges through the cold and tries not to think about anything or anyone.

 

\---

 

Robert doesn’t hear from Aaron until later that evening while he’s sat at the back of a pub in Hotten, trying to decide where he wants to go from there. He’d wanted to celebrate, wanted it to be with Aaron but he’d been ignored. It’s not like Aaron not to say anything, and Robert pushes away the thought that something is wrong. If Aaron needs him, he’ll let Robert know.

 

He keeps his eye on the tall, red-haired lad leaning against the bar, catches him looking his way and returns his gaze with interest. Robert consciously stays away from dark-haired, light-colour-eyed men. For all of his adept skills at denial, Robert tries not to feed into his destructive behavior as often as he can these days. His crush on Aaron feels like it could break everything apart.

 

His phone buzzes and he smiles instinctively. His face falls reading the short reply.

 

_Sorry, mate. Next time._

 

Robert’s not expected an excuse or explanation. He doesn’t know why it hurts though that Aaron’s not bothered. He deletes the message, glances back at the bar and finds a new bloke leaning against it. The other man smirks, doesn’t hide that he’s looking and inclines his head. Robert’s crawling in his skin, heat rising like a wave, choking him with want.

 

Dark-haired. Check. Blue eyes. Check. Solid build like he could take what Robert needs to give.

 

_Fuck it._

 

Robert smiles back, slow and full of promise, and the man straightens, waits for him. Robert finishes his drink and heads toward what he knows is a bad idea. He’s not what Robert really wants, but it’s close enough and all Robert’ll ever get.

 

It’ll have to be enough.

\-- --

 

Aaron closes his door to the pub quietly and steps out into the stillness of the village. He zips up his hoodie, takes a moment to blink away the remainder of his sleepiness. The next time Debbie asks him to open the garage, he’ll make sure to tell her where she can go. He passes the café and David’s, sighs when the lights are still turned. There is barely any movement anywhere, only a few villagers making their way around: Ashley heading toward the church, Val and Eric arguing in front of the B&B.

He shuffles past them and toward Dingle and Dingle. His feet want to make an automatic detour to Hazel’s but he resists the urge. Aaron hates fighting with Jackson but it’s become a more frequent occurrence. It’s not new for them. Over the years they’ve had their disagreements, but this time was different. _Jackson_ was different. He had sounded so final, not budging one inch. It has been an argument they’ve had for years now, and Aaron thought if they could ignore it, nothing would change.

There’s a dull ache in his chest thinking about it. He pushes it aside, moves quicker and stops as he rounds the corner to the garage. He glances down the street and his lips quirk up slightly, watching the man across from him with amusement. Robert stumbles out of a taxi, throws some money at the driver before heading in the direction of his flat. Robert pauses to orient himself, catches sight of Aaron, and for one moment his face does a complicated dance of emotions that Aaron doesn’t understand. He wonders if Robert is upset about the night before. Aaron starts to move toward him, to explain, but Robert suddenly grins at him, waving once, then continues his way toward The Mill.

Aaron shakes his head, his face warm, and he laughs as Robert looks back at him and winks.

Robert Sugden is an idiot and Aaron doesn’t know why they are mates.

 

Robert had walked back into Emmerdale like a tornado pulling at Aaron until he fell into his sphere. Aaron knows that Robert doesn’t even realise that. His mom calls it the Sugden Disaster Zone, but it’s Robert’s loyalty to his family that’s softened Chas a little toward him. That and Aaron and Paddy standing up for Robert. She still thought he was trouble but at least he was no longer the devil incarnate. That was progress.

 

Aaron’s missed having a mate like Robert. He sees Adam once every couple of weeks during visits and wishes his best mate could be back in the village, but it’ll be some time before that happens. Robert’s not someone Aaron would ever have thought to be friends with, but Robert makes him laugh most days. He is an ass to most people, but if you’re one of the lucky ones he cares for, he’ll do anything for you. Aaron wants to be one of those, finds himself moving closer and closer to Robert, needing that.

 

“Aaron, you having a fit or summat?”

  
Aaron turns and glares at Dan. “Shut up and get out of my way,” as he pushes past the other mechanic and into the still dark garage. He pulls the orders down from the clipboard, checks who is up first and starts toward the car he needs to work on. His mind wanders back to Jackson and his throat constricts a little. He is too tired to keep doing this. Maybe it’s time to listen to what Jackson was saying.

 

\---

 

“Where were you last night?”

 

Victoria pounces the minute Robert walks into the pub for his tea. It’s been a long day and his head’s still a bit fuzzy from the night before. He rolls his eyes, doesn’t answer her, and makes a direct line for Chas. “Pint, please, Chas.” She nods at him, pours the drink and moves away without saying anything. Robert frowns at her retreating back. They aren’t anywhere near friends, she mostly tries to tolerate him, but it’s not normal for her to not tease him with an insult or comment.

 

He glances over at Victoria, who shakes her head at him indicating he needs to leave it. Robert does because he is hungry and wants to be able to eat and not get banned from the pub again. Something about the look on Chas’ face tells him it’s serious. He lets her go without asking even when his gut tells him that Chas only acts this way when it has something to do with Aaron. He ignores the way his stomach clenches at the thought, brings his gaze down to his phone, and concentrates on reading the email from Chrissie about setting up the new adventure retreat she wants to create in Emmerdale.

 

His food appears in front of him without him having to order and he glances up at Victoria. He can’t send her away now that she is willingly feeding him. “What’s happened?”

 

“Oh, now you interested, are ya?”

 

Robert glares at her, watches her deflate slightly before leaning on the bar, her voice lowering in volume considerably. “It’s Aaron.”

 

He clenches on the fork in his hand, and tries not to let his worry show too much. “What about him?” He had seen him that morning, standing on the street watching Robert come back from another night out with a random stranger. Aaron never judges, no matter how many different birds or blokes he catches Robert with.

 

He still remembers the complete look of shock when Aaron had first realized that Robert was bi. He hadn’t thought anyone would be out that early and so he’d let his date out the door, kissing him deeply against the frame before sending him to his taxi with a smile. If he hadn’t looked around he wouldn’t have caught Aaron staring at him from the other end of street. Robert’d turned back in with his face burning.

 

He wasn’t hiding who he was, not anymore. He’d learned his lesson with how much he’d hurt himself and Chrissie by lying. But he hadn’t exactly told anyone.

 

Robert remembers the fear that Aaron would out him, or worse, treat him differently. He’d avoided him after because he hadn’t wanted to lose Aaron. But he hadn’t. The next time they saw each other Aaron had bought him a pint and shared a hilarious story about trying to help Zak with one of his pigs up at Wishing Well. Robert had relaxed, laughed at the story because he recalls how it was to grow up on a farm, and knew it was going to be fine. Aaron had made it okay for him.

 

It was Aaron that had made him tell his brother, sister, and Diane. There had been varying degrees of reactions, and he and his family were still navigating this truth about Robert.

 

Vic shrugs at his question, eyeing Chas with worry as she answers. “Not sure exactly. It’s got to do with Jackson. It usually does.” Robert watches his sister as she heads to the kitchen, then moves his gaze over to Chas at the end of the bar. He mulls it over a few minutes, then decides to give in to his need to know. He walks over, leans against the bartop until Chas looks up at him.

 

“Robert.”

 

“Chastity.”

 

She huffs out a breath but doesn’t say anything more.

 

Fine. Robert’s not beneath begging. “Vic said -- is everything alright with Aaron?”

 

Chas’ head snaps up, her eyes narrowing. “What’s it to ya?”

 

Robert rolls his eyes. “We gonna play it like that, are we? He’s my mate, Chas, whether you like it or not. I just want to make sure nothing’s wrong.” He doesn’t squirm when she studies him for a long moment. He can see the pain in her eyes, the worry, and he starts to panic.

 

Chas notices it and gives one of his hands a pat. “He’s not going to do that again, Robert. That was a long time ago, and my boy -- he’s not scared anymore. Not about that.” She looks down at her hands, shakes her head. “He’s just --”

 

“What, Chas? Just tell me, please. I can’t help if I don’t know what to do,” Robert insists, frowning when she looks up at him, small smile tugging at her mouth.

 

“You really care about him, don’t you?”

 

Robert shrugs, looks away. “S’not a crime, is it?”

 

He tries not to fidget under her glare, but then he watches her face soften, and she reaches across the bar to pat his hand. “I can’t tell you because I don’t honestly know, but he’s gonna need a mate.”

 

Robert nods as she walks away, frowns and pulls his mobile from his pocket, fingers flying across the keys.

 

_Call me anytime, okay?_

 

He doesn’t expect an answer and hopes the offer is enough.

 

\-- --

 

“Hey.”

 

Hazel turns to look at him, surprise on her face before she hides it and smiles. “Hello, love. I wasn’t expecting ya.”

 

“I suppose not.” Aaron grits his teeth. He knows that this whole idea is hers as much as Jackson’s, and he is angry at her for it. “Is Jackson in his room?”

 

She nods, motions for him to go in and turns back to her packing. Aaron eyes the boxes scattered around the room, half-filled, and his vision blurs a little. He hadn’t quite believed it until this moment. He slams the door shut behind him. Jackson’s head twitches slightly but he’s facing the window. Aaron walks toward him slowly, sits on the bed.

 

“So, you’re still doing this, are ya?”

 

Jackson sighs, turns his head to meet Aaron’s gaze. “Yea I am.”

 

Aaron’s hands curl into fists but he doesn’t argue. He can’t find the strength anymore.

 

Jackson takes his silence as agreement. “I want you to listen, yeah? You need to go out there, Aaron. Find out more about you. Please.”

 

“Why is this important to you?”

 

“Because you can’t make the kind of decision you have, you can’t give up everything for someone before knowing what giving up everything means.”

 

Aaron grits his teeth. “I already know, Jackson.”

 

Jackson huffs out a humorless laugh. “Well, I don’t, Aaron. I need us both to do this. I need to know I can do this without you. And I want you -- I wanna know you tried.” He waits until Aaron looks at him. “Come here.” When Aaron reaches his side and takes his hand Jackson smiles wide. “It’s a break, alright? We take some time, and when it’s up -- when mum and I come back, then you and me re-evaluate. If you still feel the same -- then we’ll go from there, yeah?”

 

Aaron nods.

  
Jackson narrows his eyes. “But there’s one condition. You gotta try, Aaron. Don’t wait for me. Go out there. Find whatever you need. Promise me that. Please.”

 

Aaron screws his eyes shut, gulps down on the heartbreak he feels -- not as potent as it once was but it’s still there -- it still hurts, and he already feels that empty space in his heart where Jackson resides.

 

“Alright. I promise.”

 

\-- --

 

He regrets instantly coming into the pub for dinner.

 

It’s what Robert gets for hoping to catch sight of Aaron, who wasn’t responding to his texts. He’d heard from Vic that Jackson was leaving town for some time. No one knows what’s happened, but from what Robert gathers, it’s not good.

 

Jackson is sitting with his mum and Joe just at the other side of the Woolpack when Robert comes looking for Aaron. Marlon tells Robert that Aaron hasn’t been seen all day and then manages to talk him into eating the special while he waits.

 

He’s sat down only a minute when he realises Jackson’s headed his way, the quiet buzz of his chair getting louder until he halts at Robert’s table.

 

“Jackson.”

 

“Robert.”

 

This is going pretty much how it always does with them. The last time they’d interacted, a drunken Jackson had called Robert a manwhore. It hadn’t been pretty. Robert clears his throat, motions to Hazel and Joe. “Farewell dinner, I reckon?”

 

Jackson’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes and Robert knows how much Jackson’s never liked him. The feeling’s mostly mutual, but Robert knows his reason is pure and simple jealousy. He can’t begin to guess Jackson’s but it doesn’t matter. Most people hate Robert on principle.

 

“You don’t have to say you’ll miss me.” Jackson smirks and this time there’s something in his eyes, that spark that Robert sees sometimes. He understands what Aaron must have seen in him before --

 

Well, before.

 

Robert snorts. “Weren’t going to.”

 

The nod he receives in return and the quiet laugh from Jackson throw Robert off.

“We’ve broken it off.”

 

Robert stops moving, his treacherous heart jumping into his throat. He swears he can hear it and wonders if Jackson can too. “What?”

 

“Aaron and me --”

 

“Yeah, I got that. Why? You’ve -- he loves ya. He wouldn’t --”

 

“I broke it off.”

 

Robert stares at him before making a rude noise. “You are more of an idiot than I thought.” The anger ebbs close to the surface and Robert slams his bottle down on the table hard. “He’s not lived for years taking care of you, being there for you, and you what? You just dump him overnight.”

 

Jackson raises one eyebrow. “I’ve got my reasons.”

 

“Oh, this should to be good.”

 

“I want Aaron to be free to see other people while I’m away. He’d never do it any other way. This is where you come in.”

 

“What ya mean?”

 

“Aaron needs to meet people, he needs to try new things. I want you to help him.”

 

Robert isn't comfortable with where this conversation is headed. His gaze flits about the pub looking for a possible escape. He can see Kerry and Ruby off in one corner. Marlon at the till chatting with Hazel. It's a quiet night and no one he knows is sat anywhere near enough for it not to seem strange (and not make him look like a giant arsehole) if he gets up from the table and initiates conversation with someone other than Jackson.

 

He can tell that he isn't going to be able to get out of this and he bites back a curse. It’s what he gets for giving in to his ridiculous need to see if Aaron was at the pub. He meets Jackson's stare and nods.

 

"Go on, then."

 

He can see Jackson hesitate, watches him take a moment, and that clench in Robert’s stomach flares sharper. Jackson takes a deep breath, and his gaze falls to the table. "Aaron needs someone to guide him...with...his needs."

 

Robert's heart thumps hard in his chest because if Aaron needs something, he'll do whatever he can, but he can't say that to Jackson. His brow furrows because he is pretty sure he knows what Jackson means but -- he takes a moment before he asks, "His needs?"

 

Jackson looks at him again. Robert still finds it disconcerting that Jackson can't move, that he barely shifts his head. That it will never be any different. It might even get worse as time wears on.

 

But the bastard can still smirk like the best of them. He does as he glares at Robert. "Don’t be purposely difficult." He rolls his eyes and says, "Sex. I want you to teach Aaron about sex."

 

Robert stares at Jackson for a full minute but his expression doesn't change. It's somewhere between exasperated, annoyed, and determined. "What the hell are you going on about?” Robert hisses as he glances around the pub. The nosies are notorious in Emmerdale and it won’t do for anyone to hear this about Aaron. Or for Aaron to hear Robert and his boyfriend talking about him like this.

 

He knows Aaron would not be happy.

 

“You said it yourself, Sugden. He hasn’t lived.”

 

Robert lowers his voice and leans in closer. “I’m pretty sure he knows about sex, Jackson. He and my sister for one,” Robert notes, then pushes the thought as far away as he can because it’s not something he wants to think about if he is honest. “Holly, too. He isn’t completely inexperienced. And I assume that you two…” Robert lets that sentence hang because he also doesn’t want to think about that either.

 

Jackson huffs out a breath. “Of course, we did, you prat. But you know, better than anyone, that you don’t learn everything about yourself if you don’t -- try different things.”

 

Robert’s jaw clenches against the immediate retort that he wants to throw out because Jackson doesn’t mean it that way. He knows enough about him to know that. “Yes, but it’s not like he hasn’t tried, Jackson. He was what -- eighteen when you got together? I remember me at eighteen.”

 

There’s the smirk again and Robert wants to punch something.

 

“Of course. We were -- _really_ active until the accident. We lived together.”

 

“So then what the hell is this about?” Robert waves a hand between them and gives Jackson a hard stare. “Why are you doing this?”

 

“Because it’s been three years since - well, it’s been three years,” Jackson ends, his gaze off into the distance.

 

Robert clears his throat again. “Three -- years? But -- look -- I’m not going to pretend I understand but --”

Jackson snorts and eyes Robert. “No, you aren’t.”

 

Robert grits his teeth and continues. “But you must have tried in the last three years.”

 

“Didn’t say we hadn’t.” Jackson looks away then back at Robert. “I just -- I’ve never been comfortable after the accident.”

 

“What about Aaron?”

 

“What about him?”

 

“Is he?” Robert cannot believe this conversation.

 

Jackson’s head moves slightly and Robert knows if he could move, he’d be shrugging at him right now. “I’m not -- look, I don’t want to talk to you about this. It’s clearly making you uncomfortable, which seeing as you’re one of the most self-involved pricks I know means that it is not a topic you want me to go on about.”

 

There is so much truth to those words that Robert is hard-pressed not to agree with Jackson. “Then why involve me? I’m not what you would call a mate, Jackson.”

 

“No, you aren’t. I don’t particularly like you.”

 

Robert bit his tongue once more because god did he feel the same but he was trying to be less of an arsehole. Hence the trying not to crush on a paralysed bloke’s boyfriend. He was failing spectacularly there but he was trying. “So then why me? I am ‘like a dog with two dicks,’ if I remember your wording the other night.”

 

Jackson closes his eyes and sighs. “Right. About that.”

 

Robert stops him, shrugs as he shakes his head. “It’s not entirely incorrect, is it?”

 

“I was bladdered.”

 

“Yeah, well.” Robert can’t hold that against Jackson. He’s been known to make massively terrible decisions while under the influence. “That doesn’t really answer my question. Why me?”

 

Jackson rolls his eyes, sighs deeply and his face scrunches up. Robert gets that look a lot if he is honest. Not as much as he used to, but enough to know whatever is about to be said, Jackson doesn’t want to say it. “Because Aaron likes you. You’ve become his mate.” Robert watches Jackson close his eyes as he says, “Much as it kills me, he trusts you.”

 

Robert’s heart stutters, the bloody traitor, breath catching in his throat a little, and he looks away fast. His inconvenient crush on Aaron is something he has managed to keep under wraps so far. He isn’t about to mess that up, especially not in front of Jackson. Once he has his breathing back under control, he brings his gaze up to meet Jackson’s. “And you talked to Aaron about this?” Jackson looks mildly guilty and Robert’s eyes widen in surprise. “You’ve not told him any of this have ya?”

 

The shake of Jackson’s head is quick but Robert sees it, palms his face with one hand while the other curls into a fist on the table.

 

“Jackson, I know you are not an actual moron, so what the hell are you thinking? You cannot talk to me about this if you haven’t spoken to Aaron.”

 

Jackson eyes him. “He knows I want him to do this. I’ve not told him about your part, no, but Aaron agreed to it, to try.  You’ll do it, won’t ya?”

 

Robert doesn’t think he could say no to anything that would help Aaron. “If -- and this is a _huge_ _if_ , Jackson -- he is okay with it, then yeah. I’d do whatever I could to help him.” Jackson’s face goes all determined-looking again, and Robert feels the fear grow in his limbs once more. “What exactly is it you want me to do?”

 

“Nothing too taxing, Sugden. Relax. I just want you to take him out, do the wingman thing, get him to date people.” Jackson gives him a slight smile. “Do what a best mate would do.”

 

Robert suppresses a sigh and holds back the need to ram his head on the table. Sure, he could do that. Take the man he was probably a little in love with out to meet other guys so his boyfriend would stop feeling guilty.

 

Easy.

 

Robert swallows as he meets Jackson’s expectant gaze. The chance to be close to Aaron without Jackson’s presence, even if just for a little bit, is too tempting not to take.

 

“Okay, yeah. I’ll do it.”

 

“You’ll make sure that he tries?”

 

Robert nods.

 

Even if it kills him, Robert will make sure Aaron gets to be happy. Whatever he has to endure for that to happen, it will be worth it.


	2. Part 2: The Beginning

_Part ii._

 

Robert waits to see Aaron. He hears from Victoria the day after Jackson left.

 

“I’ve not seen Aaron like this in a long time, Rob.” Her voice quivers, he can feel her worry even through the phone. “It’s like how it was right after the accident before they figured it all out.”

 

“His boyfriend’s left, Vic. What you expect?”

 

“I know.” She pauses and he knows what’s coming, “Maybe you could --”

 

“No.” Robert shakes his head even though she can’t see it. “He needs a little time, some space, at least a few days before I go fumbling in there to make things worse.” He’s half-joking and it makes her laugh a little but there’s no real lie in there. Robert’s not sure what he’s going to say or how exactly he can be Aaron’s mate when all he wants to do is --

 

That line of thought won’t get him anywhere.

 

So Robert waits a week. He sends texts that have nothing to do with Jackson. Tells him about the client with the ridiculous hair that reminds him of this band his mum used to listen to.

 

_wat’s a flock of seagulls sugden_

 

Robert feels all his twenty-eight years right then but Aaron’s responding back. He doesn’t text more than a few words at a time but it’s something. It makes it easier for Robert to breath, eases the tight feeling in his chest.

 

It’s Friday. Good time to go somewhere and he thinks that he has set himself up well enough that he can, that he will do this. He knocks on the door to the back room before easing it open. His gaze falls to Chas sitting at the table, looking down at her cup of tea with a frown. Her head turns fast when she hears the click of the door close and Robert sees a look of relief flash across her face when she sees him.

 

Robert’s seeing things because that can’t be right.

 

“What you doing here?”

Robert points toward the door leading to the stairs. “Is Aaron in? Thought I might take him out for a drink.”

 

Chas almost smiles. “Yeah. Well, he’s on the phone with Jackson.” She makes a face, anger edged onto her eyes and Robert can understand, feels the same sometimes when he lets himself think about it. She nods to the kitchen. “Wanna cuppa?”

 

“Ta. I could do with one while I wait I suppose.”

 

Robert sits and Chas busies herself in the kitchen, asks how he likes his tea. They ignore the sound of feet pacing back and forth above their heads, the rise and fall of Aaron’s voice as he talks.

 

“So. I hear ya had a chat with Jackson before he ran for the hills.” Chas questions, her eyes steady on Robert’s face. He closes his own eyes and sighs deeply, setting his tea down on the table.

 

“It’s like this village is full of gossips who stick their noses in where they aren’t needed, isn’t it? Deffo didn’t miss that.”

 

“Not much happens in my pub that I don’t hear about, love.”

 

Her stare is unwavering and Robert gives in because she’d get it out eventually, and he’d rather not have an angry Dingle mother after him. “He just asked that I -- he wanted me to look out for Aaron is all.”

 

Chas raises an eyebrow. “That’s it. Just look out for him.”

 

“Sorta of, yeah.”

 

“Sorta?”

 

“Chas. I’m not talking this with ya, alright? It’s between Aaron and Jackson.”

 

“And you apparently.”

 

Robert shakes his head. “I’m here for Aaron, yeah? Help him get past this and -- I don’t know -- just make sure he’s okay. It’s what I promised.”

 

“Did you now.”

 

Robert jumps out of his seat and turns to face an angry Aaron standing in the doorway. He’s looking a bit barmy around the eyes and Robert knows this wasn’t his best idea.

 

“Aaron.”

 

Aaron waves whatever Robert’s about to say away. “No, go on. Finish what you were saying. What did you promise?”

 

Chas starts to talk but Robert talks over her. “It’s not -- Jackson’s just lookin’ out for ya. He wanted me to -- help you.”

 

Aaron moves closer and Robert squelches the instinct to back away. He’s not seen Aaron angry like this before. “Help how?”

 

When Robert doesn’t answer Aaron’s eyes widen and Robert wishes he wasn’t so quick to catch on. “Aaron, it’s not -- he didn’t mean anything bad by it.”

 

“Jesus. Get out.”

 

“Aaron.”

 

“I don’t need ya to pimp me out, Robert.”

 

Robert hears Chas’ gasp and he turns to her. “It’s not like that. Jackson’s not wanting him to be -- he just wants Aaron to be happy. It’s all. He asked me to be there for him.” He can see the wheels in Chas’ head turning, her face schooling into a neutral expression.

 

“Do one, Sugden.”

 

Aaron’s face is closed off and Robert’s not seen that since they’d first met. It hurts more than he wants to admit and he swallows against it, nods before turning and walking out the door.

 

\-- --

 

It takes Robert hours to fall asleep, the fight with Aaron rolls in his head and he wants to go back. He wants to think of an explanation, for him to understand what was really happening. But he can’t and it wouldn’t make a difference.

 

He starts to feel tiredness set in and is just on the cusp of sleep when his mobile goes off. Robert’s eyes try to focus on the red numbers on his clock. It reads 2:38 and he jerks up in bed, fumbles for his phone.

 

“‘Lo?”

 

“Robert?”

 

The voice sounds familiar but the number showing isn’t one Robert recognizes. “Yeah, is me.”

 

“It’s Daniel. From Bar West.”

 

Robert frowns. “It’s a bit late, Dan. I don’t fancy owt tonight.” There’s a laugh down the line and Robert wakes up a bit more.

 

“Alright, calm down, you daft git. I ain’t looking to get off with ya. Again.”

 

“So what’s with the chat, then?”

 

“You’re mates with Aaron Dingle, yeah?”

 

Robert is fully awake, his feet hit the cold floor and he looks around for his shoes. “Suppose.”

 

“He’s been talking about you all night. I figured I should call ya. He’s a bit pissed, Robert. Think it best you come down here and fetch him.”

 

“On the way.”

 

Disconnecting the call, Robert finds his trainers at the foot of his bed, shoves his feet in them, grabs his jumper and trousers, fumbles down the stairs that are going to kill him someday. He takes a moment to get into his gear and then grabs his wallet and keys. He is out the door in under a minute. It’s pitch black out as he makes way out of the village. It takes a good half hour to get to Hotten some days but Robert makes it in ten.

Daniel is announcing last call as Robert walks in, waves him over when he sees him, then points to the stool just off the side. Aaron’s got his head down on the bar. Robert addresses Daniel first.

 

“How much has he had?”

 

“Before I got to him, Tim been serving him for a couple of hours. I cut him off, got some water down him even tried to get him to nosh on chips but he weren’t having it. Got pretty cheesed when I said you were on the way.”

 

“I don’t need him.” Aaron slurs his words, raises his head to glare at Robert. “Clear off, Robert.” Aaron tries to stand, sways and his legs give out. Robert lunges for him, holds on to keep them both on their feet. He looks over his shoulder at Daniel.

 

“It’s on me. Can you put it on my tab?”

 

Daniel waves him off. “Make sure that one gets home and you can pay up next time I see ya.”

 

Aaron snorts. “You see him loads, don’t ya, Dan? Our Robert here is a right regular. He wants to shag all of Hotten.”

 

Robert’s gutted at Aaron’s words but he knows it seems that way. It’s what everyone thinks and he can’t blame him for it.

 

“Is that why Jackson wants you to help me out?”

 

Robert shoves his shoulder against the door and drags Aaron toward his car. “I suppose.” He makes sure Aaron is sat with the belt on, closes the door and leans on the car to get himself together. He keeps quiet as he climbs in on the drivers side, turns the ignition on, and makes sure Aaron’s window is down. He’s seen Aaron drink most of the Woolpack under a table but he’s not willing to take the risk of Aaron honking in his car.

 

Aaron says nothing and Robert drives with the music low, tries to keep his mind and eyes on the road. He hears snoring ten minutes out of Hotten and breathes in relief. By the time he reaches the Dales, it’s nearing morning, the sky lighting up slightly. He contemplates stopping at the Woolpack but thinks better of it. Chas won’t like what’s happened and Aaron doesn’t need that hassle.

He parks in The Mill’s driveway, stares at Aaron, trying to figure out how he can get him inside the flat.

 

“We home?”

 

Robert smiles a little. Aaron sounds young when he’s half asleep. “You could say that, yeah? Can you undo your belt? I’ll come round to help ya.”

 

They struggle to get out of the car and inside but Robert’s got hold of Aaron’s hoodie, one arm around his waist. He pushes Aaron up the stairs and into Robert’s room. Aaron sits on the edge of the bed. Robert kneels down to remove his trainers, glances up when Aaron makes a frustrated noise.

 

“Why are you nice to me?” Aaron grouses, lets his anger and sadness wash over his face and body. “I’m so angry with ya for not telling me he talked with ya.”

 

Robert nods. “I know. I’m sorry. But he -- he just wants you to be happy. We both do.”

 

Aaron huffs out a breath. “Then why’d he leave me?” There are tears forming on Aaron’s face and Robert can’t take that.

 

“Hey, no. Don’t, Aaron. Come here.” He sits next to his friend, pulls him into a side hug and Aaron lets his head fall on Robert’s shoulder. His breaths fall on Robert’s neck and he clamps down on the shiver rolling up his spine. Aaron’s lips are on his skin, mumbling quietly, leaving warmth and want in his wake. The smell of his soap and under that the earthy scent that’s Aaron surrounds Robert and he wants to give in and just stay there.

 

“I’ve loved him a long time, Robert. I don’t know how to do anything else anymore.”

 

Robert closes his eyes. Something is tearing at his heart, at his chest, the longing for Aaron suffocates him. But he can’t let that stand in his way to being a good mate to Aaron. “He loves ya, too. It’s why he’s done it. He just wants you to be okay, Aaron.”

 

“It hurts.” Aaron’s tears are warm on Robert’s skin and he squeezes his friend tighter, drops a soft kiss to Aaron’s head.

 

“I know.”

 

\-- --

 

Aaron’s eyes slit open and he throws one hand over them at the bright sunlight. He doesn’t have that much light in his room, he thinks. His eyes pop open and he jerks up in bed.

 

He’s not at home.

 

The frame on the nightstand shows a woman with brown hair and a kind smile. Aaron recognizes her as Sarah Sugden, Robert’s mom and he falls back on the bed with some relief. He hadn’t done something stupid. He frowns when he realizes that he’s in only his pants. Robert must have gotten him into bed. He remembers a few things. Bar West. Robert showing up. Telling Robert that he loved Jackson.

 

Aaron thinks it best to get up and go home. He finds a new toothbrush in its packaging on the bedside table, a glass of water and two paracetamol. Aaron stands, wobbles a bit and heads to the fresher. He takes his time, showers, brushes his teeth and makes his way back into the bedroom. His clothes are lying over a chair. He drinks the paracetamol and water before dressing.

 

He takes the stairs slowly and wonders how Robert, with his long legs and tendency to be a bit clumsy, hasn’t fallen down them yet.

 

He pauses to look into the kitchen, sees Robert at the cooler, and clears his throat to get his attention. Robert’s head snaps around and he nearly drops the glass in his hand.

 

“I was making you a fry up.”

 

Aaron nods and tries to smile, smoothing down his shirt as he makes his way to the kitchen table. He takes a seat while Robert makes him a cup then sets it down in front of him.

 

“You alright? How’s your head?”

 

“Fuzzy but it’s fine.” Aaron bites his lips, feels the shame rise in his chest. He remembered some of what he’d said while he was showering. “Rob.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Last night.”

 

Aaron catches the way Robert pauses before continuing with the spatula in his hand to plate the food. “What about it?”

 

“I’m sorry about -- well, I’m sorry that you had to come out and pick me up.”

 

Robert shakes his head. “It’s what a mate does, isn’t it?”

 

Aaron smiles, feels that in his bones. He knows Robert doesn’t consider most people important enough to do what he’d done for Aaron. “Thank you.”

 

“Don’t mention it.”

 

He brings the plates over, hands Aaron his and sits down, tucks into his food. It takes Robert a moment but when Aaron doesn’t start eating, he looks up at him. “It’s not good?”

 

Aaron shakes his head. “S’not that. Robert. What I said about ya last night. It weren’t okay.” Robert starts to wave him off and Aaron raises a hand. “I said some daft things and I am sorry, yeah?”

 

Robert takes a minute, his eyes flickering something dark, but then it’s gone and he nods at Aaron. “It’s forgotten.”

 

Aaron wants to say more but he’d rather enjoy his morning with his mate and not start another fight. They finish breakfast in silence but when Robert refills Aaron’s cup, he says what’s on his mind.

 

“What was the plan?”

 

Robert glances up at him. “Plan?”

 

“Jackson’s. What was it?”

 

Robert’s brow furrows and Aaron’s always been fascinated by the way his entire face moves when he does that. “He didn’a talk with you?”

 

“Yeah but I want to know what he’s said to you.”

 

Robert takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly. “He just wanted me to be there for you. Help you on the pull. Make sure you were alright.”

 

“I got that.”

 

“He means well.”

 

Aaron rolls his eyes, tries not to take his anger out on Robert. “He made me promise to try.”

 

Robert doesn’t say anything. Aaron watches him move around the kitchen, takes note of the slope of his back, the way his hands work fast to clean up. He looks away when he starts to notice the freckles he can see scattered on Robert’s neck. His heart beats quicker and he shakes his head, turns his mind to something else.

 

Aaron thinks about the fact that Jackson and Robert barely got on. He knows it must have taken a lot for either one of them to work together. Robert’s not one to be aware of others often. And Jackson...he thinks this could help in the end.

 

“Fuck it.”

 

Robert turns to look at him. “What now?”

 

Aaron’s made a promise even if it’s not one he wants to keep. “You up to going into town tonight?” He almost changes his mind when Robert doesn’t answer right away but then his friend nods his head, smiles and Aaron smiles back.

 

\-- --

 

Robert leaves it up to Aaron to chose a place and he picks Bar West again. Robert supposes Aaron’s comfortable, knows most of the regulars and bar folks. He doesn’t complain, it’s normally where he goes most time he makes it to town. It’s become a bit more open to the public and Robert’s never had problems finding someone there.

 

There’s sat in the back, nursing a pint and Robert tries to gauge what Aaron’s looking for. He watches him as he Aaron takes in the men at the bar. Aaron’s gaze doesn’t linger long on too many and it leaves Robert unsure what to do. He’s looking to see if anyone there is somehow good enough for Aaron.

 

“What’s your game?”

 

Robert brings his gaze back to Aaron. “What?”

 

Aaron shrugs. “You supposed to be mentoring me, aren’t ya? So, what’s your secret? What’s your pick up?”

 

Robert snorts. “I don’t have any.”

 

“Please.”

 

Robert widens his eyes, looks as innocent as possible, and Aaron laughs at him. He grins back, having accomplished what he wanted. “There’s some terrible ones I can tell you though.”

 

Aaron drinks from his pint and Robert watches his neck as he swallows, the movement making his stomach churn with want so bad that Robert’s turning away at the last moment.

 

“Like what? Come on, I’ve got to get good if I’m to pull someone.”

 

Robert shakes his head. “Then you don’t want to use these, mate.”

 

“Go on, then. Tell me.”

 

He thinks for a minute and smiles at Aaron. “Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?”

 

Aaron’s laugh is loud, turning heads around them but Robert keeps his eyes on his face as he goes again. “If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”

 

“Oh god, no, stop.”

 

“You make me harder than a question on University Challenge.”

 

Aaron’s face is red and he’s having trouble breathing and Robert loves seeing him that way. It’s not something that’s happened often since he’s met him. “Are you from Sheffield? Because you’re _steelin’_ my heart.”

 

He takes a sip of his own drink, waits until Aaron’s calmed some and is drinking his again. He turns to look at him and says, “Can I take you up The Shard?”

 

The choking noise Aaron makes is priceless and Robert laughs so hard he nearly falls out of the booth. They’ve not noticed the man approaching their table until he’s right on them.

 

“You two seem to be having a laugh.”

 

Robert’s stomach drops at the sight of him. Aaron’s still next to him, not sure what to do so Robert smiles at the bloke. “We try.”

 

The man’s stare hasn’t left Aaron -- and Robert can understand that -- but he glances at Robert, smiles a little. “You and your boyfriend are lucky to have each other.”

 

Robert hates all of this, grits his teeth, shaking his head. “We’re just mates.”

 

“Then I guess it’s my lucky night.”

 

Robert bites down on the urge to tell the prat to do one. They’re here for this. Aaron’s looking back now, raising one eyebrow at the idiot and Robert blinks. He’s better at this than he thinks. There’s something about Aaron that makes him special.

 

“Can I buy you another?”

 

Robert’s not done with his but Aaron’s is empty and he nods, scoots out the other side and nods towards the bar. “You lead on, then.” He glances at Robert who gives him an encouraging smile, ignores the way he feels like he’s dying inside and keeps his gaze on them as they head over. Aaron sat at the bar, leaning against it, all muscle and strength and Robert wants to punch something. He takes his mobile out, tries to concentrate on some emails.

 

He lets five minutes pass before looking back and feels himself scowling. The prat leans into Aaron’s space, smarmy grin on his face and Robert tenses when he notices him reach out and touch Aaron’s leg, moving his hand up to Aaron’s thigh. Before Robert can react, Aaron’s up and out of his seat, moving as fast as he can.

 

Robert’s after him, stops to throw enough cash on the table to cover them, glares at the wanker who still sat with a confused look at the bar and runs out into the cold air. Aaron’s got a cab and Robert reaches him just before he ducks in.

“Aaron, wait.”

 

Aaron shakes him off. “No, forget it, Robert. I knew -- let go.”

 

Robert does and Aaron jumps in the cab.

 

Away from the street, the bar and away from Robert.

 

\-- --

 

“You can’t keep hiding from me, you know.”

  
Aaron’s head jerks up in surprise, hitting the top of the car bonnet he is working under before he turns to glare at Robert. “Thanks for that, mate. And I’m not hiding. Unlike office totties, some of us actually have work to do.”

 

Robert stares, one eyebrow rises but he says nothing. He holds out the coffee he’d been carrying, shaking it slightly until Aaron rolls his eyes and grabs hold of it. Aaron takes a long pull, his throat working as he swallows and Robert looks away quickly. He moves to sit on the bonnet of the car across from Aaron, takes a sip of his Americano and waits. Aaron ignores him for several minutes, ducks his back down, his movements getting angrier as Robert sits in silence and stares at him.

 

“What, Robert?”

 

“I’ve said nowt.”

 

Aaron huffs, straightening up to meet Robert’s questioning gaze. “Robert, just leave it. I wasn’t anything.”

 

“You running away last night-”

  
“I didn’t run away,” Aaron grits his teeth, throws his rag across the room and Robert’s heart aches at his agitation. Robert waits quietly, gives Aaron space and time. He knows that sometimes it’s all he needs. After a few minutes of silently sipping his coffee, he takes the chance to look up at Aaron and finds him staring back at him.

 

Aaron sighs. “I don’t know what to do.”

 

Robert frowns. “What do you mean?” He can guess but it’s better coming from Aaron. It’s already cost him some of Aaron’s trust to learn that Jackson had gone to Robert about the whole taking a break idea. Aaron gives him a look and Robert purses his lips, biting back more questions.

 

He knows that Aaron and Jackson don’t -- he avoids that thought, doesn’t want to think about it. “Aaron?”

 

His friend closes his eyes in embarrassment, bites out an angry retort. “I’m not you Robert, am I? I don’t sleep around with everything that moves. I’ve had a boyfriend for years and --”

 

“And it’s been a long time since you tried to pull anyone I got that.” He ignores the dig at his sexuality. “When was the last time someone touched you?” Aaron glares at him and opens his mouth until Robert clarifies. “Don’t deny it because ya had yourself a freak-out last night when that guy put his hand on your leg, Aaron. You weren’t used to it.”

 

Aaron looks away, bites at his lip and it tugs at Robert’s heart. He wants to touch his mouth, smooth away the insecurity and make Aaron see what Robert sees. Robert shakes his head, clears his throat and carefully sets his drink down. “Okay, come here.”

 

Aaron eyes him, doesn’t move an inch. “Why?”

 

Robert rolls his eyes. “Just. You want to be able to tell Jackson you tried, yeah?” Aaron hesitates but he nods. “Okay. And you trust me?”

 

His heart leaps at Aaron’s quick “Course I do, idiot” and he smiles softly at his friend, at this ridiculous, stupidly attractive man and waves him closer. “Then come here.”

 

He follows Aaron’s progress across the garage, shifts on the bonnet of the car, opening his legs to situate himself and wraps his hand around one of Aaron’s wrists as soon as he is close enough. He tugs him in, shifts so that Aaron is standing between his open legs. Aaron’s hands come up to steady himself, grasp onto Robert’s arms. He keeps his gaze on Aaron’s, sinks a little into the clear blue. “Everyone is going to feel different, okay? You just need figure out if it’s a good feeling or not. Sometimes it won’t be.” He reaches one hand out to Aaron’s face, cradles his jaw in his palm. “If that happens, it’s fine.” Aaron lowers his gaze but Robert tilts his chin up. “I’m guessing that happened last night? Then it was okay to walk away. But it won’t always be that way.”

 

Robert shifts his hand to grasp the back of Aaron’s neck, pulls him in a little, hears the hitch in Aaron’s breath. There’s a catch in Robert’s voice when he mummers “it’s okay,” a sharp want in his chest but he pushes it away, leans in until his cheek brushes against Aaron’s. It’s like the night in his flat, Aaron’s scent surrounding him and Robert wants so much it physically hurts.

 

He feels Aaron let go of his arms, his hands falling to Robert’s thighs, sliding up toward his hips and Aaron grips hard. When he pulls back, Aaron’s eyes are blown wide, heat and want making Robert shiver. Robert’s thumb draws slow circles on Aaron’s jaw and he licks his lips, swallows down a moan when Aaron’s eyes follow the movement.

 

“Aaron.”

 

Blue eyes focus on his mouth, Aaron’s quiet “Yeah?” the only sound in the room.

 

“I’m going to kiss you now.”

 

Aaron’s eyes widen but he nods and Robert brushes his lips gently against Aaron’s once, twice. It’s mostly chaste, breath mingling. Aaron’s hands tighten on Robert’s sides and he takes that as approval. He lets himself deepen the kiss, licking into Aaron’s mouth, the groan that escapes going straight to Robert’s cock. It begins slow, Aaron's mouth tentative but Robert feels it when Aaron relaxes, his kisses becoming more urgent, confident, needy. He grips Aaron’s neck with one hand, yanks at Aaron’s hip with the other and dives in completely.

 

His brain short circuits when Aaron’s hungry mouth latches on his, Aaron’s hands scrambling for purchase on Robert’s back, one of them finding their way to Robert’s neck, holding him steady. Robert lets Aaron have control, follows his lead, tilts his head back when Aaron’s lips slide down to his neck, sucks a bruise and Robert hisses. He tightens his hold on Aaron, moves closer and has to silence himself when Aaron shifts, one knee pressing on Robert’s erection and his eyes flutter closed, hands clutching onto Aaron’s shoulders. He gives a full body shudder, feels Aaron’s grin against his skin and just the thought of what that must look like makes him almost come.

 

His mouth opens to say something, anything. He wants to tell Aaron how he feels --

 

There’s a loud bang from outside of the garage that makes Aaron jump back a good three feet. Robert almost loses his balance from the sudden loss of Aaron against him, leans his hands down on the car to steady himself. He opens his eyes to find Aaron staring at him, wide-eyes, lips red and bruised, cheeks flushed and it’s --

 

It’s too much for Robert.

 

He hears the door open and Dan’s voice drifts towards the back. “Aaron, you finished with the Thomas car?”

 

Aaron blinks twice, eyes never leaving Robert’s, his voice rough and deep when he calls back, “No.”

 

Dan rounds the corner, looks back and forth between them then turns back around, saying over his shoulder, “Get it done before you uncle gets in.”

 

Robert clears his throat, slides off the bonnet, a little unsteady on his feet. “I should get going. I’ve got a meeting.”

 

Aaron nods. “Right.” He looks away then back, blush on his cheeks. “We still on for tea? If you want?”

 

Robert wants to say no. That he can’t keep torturing himself like this but Aaron looks as if he is waiting for that. He braces himself against the disappointment of Robert’s rejection before it’s even happened. Robert isn’t going to do that to him.

 

He gives him a grin. “I will do.”

 

Relief flashes in Aaron’s eyes and he nods back. He seems to want to ask something and Robert can already guess what it is. He gives Aaron a wide grin, walks toward him slowly, watches as Aaron tenses and then he leans in to kiss his forehead gently, whispers against his skin, “See? You do know what to do and it was,” he stops, pulls back to look at Aaron’s eyes, “it was good, Aaron.”

 

Robert doesn’t wait for a response or reaction, walks away as best he can, hard as he still is. If he stays any longer, he knows he’ll push Aaron against a wall, a table, the floor and finish what they started. Dan or no Dan in the other room. He glances back to find Aaron staring after him, a look on his face Robert doesn’t understand and thinks it’s best, for his own heart and sanity, he tries not to.

 

\-- --

 

Robert doesn’t push Aaron to doing anything he’s not comfortable with. They start going into town a few times a week when Robert’s not too knackered from meetings and Aaron’s had a light load at the garage. They try a few different bars because it’s not only about finding Aaron -- whatever it is they’re supposed to be finding him. It’s meant for Aaron to start finding who he is outside the life he’s been leading for three years.

 

They enjoy each other’s company. Robert takes Aaron to a few posh dinners which Aaron makes fun of with Vic the next day. He calls them naff to Robert’s face but his eyes dance with laughter so Robert doesn’t mind.  Aaron takes Robert for curry at different hole in the walls but Robert admits they’re some of the best he’s ever tried.

 

Some days they head to the cinema because Aaron’s not in the mood for other people at times and Robert understands since he barely tolerates anyone other than his sister and Aaron most of the time.

 

They hit Bar West once a week. Aaron becomes better at talking to the blokes he fancies but he never has more than a drink before heading back to whatever table Robert’s hiding at.

 

There’s a difference in Aaron as the days turn into weeks, the days of November becoming more frigid, burning with a cold that makes it difficult to breath. Robert blames it on the weather rather than on how it is killing him to watch Aaron move on to other people than Jackson. He reminds himself that this is all for Aaron and that he’s doing what he needs to for his friend.

 

Robert has his moments. He finds he can’t look away from Aaron when he starts telling a story about his day or recalling a laugh he’s had with Robert or Adam. Sometimes he sees Aaron looking back, his mouth curving into a smile and that’s when Robert’s gaze turns elsewhere.

 

Chas stops him one night after he’s dropped Aaron off, grabs his hand and holds it, searches his face. Whatever she finds, she smiles at him and thanks him for being a mate. “I’ve not seen Aaron this happy, this himself in years.”

 

Robert’s doing what he can. He keeps reminding himself that his job is to let Aaron find men, other men that aren’t Robert, and help him experience new people and things. Not that Robert’d have a chance. No one really did.

 

They’re sat at the pub having agreed to dinner with Paddy when Aaron tells Robert they're going into town.

 

“Tonight?”

 

Aaron nods. “Yeah, I think I’m ready to try again.”

 

Robert feels Aaron’s eyes on him, his stare heating up Robert’s skin and he nods without looking up. “Alright. I’m up for it.” He misses the look on Aaron’s face, the disappointment that tinges it as Robert tries not to let the jealousy eat him up inside more than it already does.

 

Dinner with Paddy is normally a good time. He’s brought Leo with him and Robert watches Aaron with his godson, small smile turning up his mouth through all of the meal. He knows that he has to get better at hiding what he feels. Robert’s never been good at that. It’s worse than he thought when Paddy confronts him about it.

 

He waits until Aaron’s gone off to the back room with Leo for a loo break. Paddy gives Robert a look he’s come to associate with Paddy giving out unsolicited advice to people. Marlon calls it his Gandalf expression. Robert sees it aimed his way and straightens up. “What?”

 

“How long?”

 

Robert’s heart stutters a bit but he can’t be -- Robert slants Paddy a teasing look, tries to smirk. “You speaking in riddles, Padraig? Taking your Gandalf role too seriously, I think.”

 

“Rob.”

 

Robert sees the concern, the kindness in Paddy’s face and he can’t meet his stare. “I don’t want to talk about it, Paddy, okay?”

 

“You falling for Aaron, aren’t ya?”

 

Robert glances around before glaring at Paddy. “I just said to leave it, alright?”

 

“Does he know?”

 

“Paddy!”

 

Paddy shakes his head, rolls his eyes. “I just don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

 

Robert meets Paddy's stare and he holds it. “I know what I’m doing. It’s not like it’s a secret how Aaron feels about Jackson. I just want Aaron to be happy, yeah. I won’t do anything to hurt him.”

 

Paddy gives him a sad look. “It’s not Aaron I’m worried about getting hurt, Rob.”

 

Robert can’t think of any response to that so he shakes his head, waves a hand at Paddy.

 

He’ll be fine.

 

\-- --

 

Robert’s not fine.

 

Aaron’s been talking with the same bloke for nearly an hour. They’ve been laughing, flirting, and when the man’s hands touch Aaron, Robert’s stomach twists with hate so sharp it takes his breath away. The lad’s nice is what’s got Robert brassed off. Ed was someone Robert’d meet a few times and he was a good bloke. Someone that Aaron should get on with and if he’s lucky -- get off with.

 

Robert watches them and knows that’s going to happen. He can’t sit and watch it though. He’s done his job, hadn’t he? He lets his gaze fall around the room and finally finds what he’s looking for just at the end of the bar. The woman was tall, blond and lithe, and she was eyeing Robert up. He smiles back, motions for her to join him and she does.

 

Aaron’s looking his way and Robert gives him a thumbs up, rolling his eyes at himself but Aaron’s frown doesn’t change. His eyes narrow when the woman sits with Robert but then Ed’s touching his leg and he looks back toward him. Robert concentrates on the woman -- Linda -- and they talk for several long minutes. She’s only just gotten her barrister license and Robert listens as she complains about the length it’s taken her. She makes it clear what she wants and Robert’s not been with anyone since -

 

Since he’s been helping Aaron.

 

“My flat’s not far if you want to go.”

 

Robert smiles at her, slow and careful, nods as he stands. “I came with a mate but let me see where he’s at, yeah?”

 

He approaches Aaron and Ed sees him first, smiles wide at him and Robert wants to punch his face in so much. It’s an awful feeling because Ed’s a mate of sorts and he’s not doing anything Robert wouldn’t be doing if he could. “Hiya.”

 

Aaron turns to look at him and Robert frowns at the way his face seems to close off. “Are you going to be --”

 

“We’re headed to Ed’s.” Aaron says quick, his eyes flicking behind Robert’s shoulder then back again.

 

Robert’s gutted, feels it all the way down to his bones but he forces a grin, nods at them. “I’ll head out then.” He pats Ed’s shoulder. “See ya around, Ed.”

 

“Bye, Robert.” Aaron says and Robert’s not sure what he’s done but Aaron’s angry. Robert feels a bit undone but he nods, waves a little as he sets off. He swears he can feel the heat of someone’s gaze on his back all the way out the door.

 

\--

 

Aaron’s angry.

 

More than he’s been in a long time and when he gets hold of Robert, he’s gonna do something terrible.

 

He’s just not sure what that will be.

 

He’s been staring at his hands for a full minute, opening and closing them slowly, to get himself under control.

 

“Aaron?”

 

He glances up at Ed. Nice, fit, kind Ed. The kind of bloke Aaron knows he’s meant to fancy. And he does. Ed’s really perfect and it’s why Robert’s introduced them. His gaze flicks back to the door, to the last place he’d seen Robert and he clenches his fists shut.

 

“Fuck.”

 

When he looks back up, Ed’s got a resigned but amused expression on his face. “Listen, I’m not here to get in the way, Aaron.”

 

Aaron sighs. “It’s nowt.”

 

Ed raises both eyebrows. “I don’t know what is going on between you and Robert, Aaron, but it’s definitely not nothing.” He lifts his pint. “Let’s have another, yeah? Finish off a good night and then you can decide what you’re going to do.”

 

Aaron smiles and curses the fact that he couldn’t have meet Ed years ago. He’d take having met him before he’d ever laid eyes on Robert Sugden.

 

\-- --

 

Aaron thanks Ed for his patience and kindness, apologizes again. He gets a shrug and a wink. Heading to the front of the pub, Aaron calls a taxi, leans back against the brick wall of the bar and waits. He tries not to think about Robert. Aaron makes a note in his head not to go out early in the morning. He doesn’t want to see Robert coming home from whatever is happening right now.

 

He glances down the street, frowns when he sees Robert walking his way, head down, angry look on his face. He doesn’t say anything as he pauses in front of the bar’s door, looks inside. His shoulders fall in defeat and Aaron’s heart starts to beat faster because he thinks -- no, he knows Robert’s looking for him.

 

“That was fast even for you, Sugden.”

 

Robert jumps when he hears Aaron’s voice, turns to see him there and blinks a few times. His face lights up for a moment before he closes himself off.

 

Aaron’s going to hit him.

 

“What’s happened?” He moves in closer and Aaron pushes back against the wall. He wants to run away because it’s becoming too much to be around Robert some days. Most times he can ignore it if they aren’t alone but that’s not working these days either.

 

“Ed decided to end the night early.”

  
Robert looks confused. “I thought -- weren’t you getting on? He was -- I mean, I-”

 

Aaron pulls away from the wall, crowds into Robert’s space, sees the way Robert fights the instinct to move back. “What? You thought he was perfect for me is that it? What about what I think. Robert?”

 

“I wasn’t -- Aaron, it’s your decision. You get to pick and choose.”

 

Aaron shakes his head. “I don’t though, do I?” He jerks his head in the direction Robert had come from. “What about you then? What happened?”

 

Robert shakes his head. “No, this isn’t about me.”

 

“It is though, isn’t it? You make the decision and I’m supposed to just not react.”

 

Robert’s angry and Aaron’s glad for it. Finally, something he can work with and he steps closer, feels the heat and tension rising in the space between them. “What’s it matter, Aaron?”

 

“Tell me why you that didn’t work out for you tonight.”

 

Aaron watches Robert’s face carefully. He sees it, the way his eyes fall to Aaron’s mouth and every stupid feeling Aaron’s been keeping locked up about Robert, every time he waved away that tingling in his hands and fingers, denied that he misses Robert whenever they weren’t together, every way he’s not letting him in rushes back and Aaron wants. He just wants.

 

“Robert.”

 

Aaron doesn’t know what did it. How that one word made the difference but he finds himself shoved back against the wall, Robert’s hands on his face. His mouth opens under Robert’s, hands grappling for hold on to Robert’s shoulder’s, one of his hands wrapping around the back of Robert’s neck.

 

Robert tries to pull away, to say something and Aaron doesn’t want to hear it. No more excuses. “Shut it, Robert.” He leans up and kisses Robert back. Robert’s hand are roaming everywhere and Aaron can’t breathe, can’t think, just needs to have this, have Robert. He’s not known how much he’s missed this until now.

 

The sound of a horn breaks through and Robert pulls away. “Didja call a taxi?”

 

Aaron follows Robert’s mouth, nods in reply before kissing him once, twice.

 

Robert’s hands grip Aaron’s waist, burning his skin with their warmth. Aaron leans his head against Robert’s, breathes in and out.

 

Robert pulls back, runs one hand over Aaron’s head. “Aaron.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Come home with me?”

 

Aaron grins up at him. “Yeah.”

 

\-- --

 

The taxi ride home is torture. Aaron’s warmth at his side drives him to distraction and Robert wants to hold his hand, wants to touch him everywhere but he knows Aaron. He understands that wouldn’t be something he’d want in public. He keeps his touch to Aaron’s knee, making a circle against the material of Aaron’s trouser.

 

It’s the longest thirty minutes of Robert’s life but when they reach The Mill, Aaron seems to hesitate.

 

Robert reaches over, gently takes his chin in his hand, makes Aaron look at him. “There’s no -- we can stop here, alright? You can go home and I’ll go home. We can revisit this tomorrow.”

 

Aaron gives him an exasperated glance, shakes his head. “You’re an idiot.” He leaves the cab, pays the driver and waits for Robert to walk down the driveway to the flat. Their shoulders brush and Robert’s hand trembles the closer they get to his home. He doesn’t fumble with the keys and they’re inside the hallway suddenly.

 

Robert turns to Aaron, hands resting on Aaron’s shoulders. “We don’t have to do anything --”

 

Aaron kisses him slow and soft, moving him back against the door. Robert closes his eyes, groans deep in his chest and they’re moving into the flat. Keys fall to the floor, jackets and shoes coming off. Robert curses his staircase for the hundredth time, moves around it, searching for Aaron’s lips every time they are separated.

 

It’s frantic by the time they get to Robert’s room and he’s overwhelmed, doesn’t know where to touch, where to kiss. Aaron’s moaning into his mouth, hands roaming over Robert’s back, tugging at his shirt, trousers and pants fumbled off and to the ground. They don’t bother to take their time with any of it. He stops to stare, to take in all of Aaron, naked, his cock full and hard, curved up, inviting and Robert’s mouth waters. He knows they won’t have time for that this time but he wants, hopes he’ll get to have. His eyes take Aaron in, hands itching to be anywhere on him. Robert wants all of Aaron’s skin, wants to touch him, make him remember what that’s like.

 

“Robert, _please_.”

 

Robert feels the vibration of Aaron’s words all the way to his toes. He surges forward and crushes his mouth against Aaron’s, the movement propels them toward the bed until Aaron’s knees hit the back of it. He pulls Robert on top of him, falling back and letting Robert cover him with his body. Robert reaches down to remove the rest of their clothes and Aaron hisses out an almost pained noise when his skin meets Robert’s.

 

Robert moves back to look at him. “Alright?”

 

Aaron nods, pulls his head down, Robert’s mouth on Aaron’s. His hands clutch at Robert’s shoulders, mouth pressing deeper, surprising another moan out of Robert. A line of heat against his front where Aaron’s body meets his.

 

His skin on fire everywhere they meet and Robert wants everything. Aaron in his bed, in his home, with him and it all runs through his mind. Aaron pulls at his hair and Robert stops, leans back to meet Aaron’s stare.

 

“Stop thinking. I want this, okay? I want you.”

 

Robert’s not going to last, not this first time but he needs this to be good for Aaron. He wants it to be worth it. The mouth against his is no longer passive, biting sharply at Robert’s jaw. Aaron’s legs spread apart and Robert slips in between them, their hard cocks aligning and they both moan. It echoes in the room and Robert knows he’s not forgetting that sound any time soon.

 

Robert presses his mouth against Aaron’s ear, “Are you sure?” and jesus, his voice sounds wrecked, causes Aaron to shiver under him.

 

“I am, yeah. I promise. Now get on with it.”

 

Robert runs his palms in long strokes over Aaron’s smooth muscles, wants to touch everything at once, everywhere. His hands slide over Aaron’s chest, down his sides and back up to his shoulders. Aaron gasps when Robert’s fingers make their way over his stomach. The muscles tremble under his touch and Aaron leans up, kisses what he can reach of Robert, his shoulder, his jaw, the edge of his mouth, soft dry presses that make Robert want so much more.

 

Robert reaches down to curve his hand around Aaron’s arousal, takes in the way Aaron arches off the bed, moans his name in between gasps. Aaron clutches Roberts’ shoulders before one hand lets go, glides over Robert’s skin, finds Robert’s cock, leaking and ready, wraps around him. Robert makes an embarrassing noise of need and want that he won’t think about.

 

The angle is awkward but it’s delicious and Robert leans his forehead against Aaron’s, keeps his eyes open as he strokes him, hard and fast, loves Aaron’s eyes growing wider, his body arching up into the touch. Robert wants to catch the sounds Aaron is making with his mouth. He presses them closer, feels as Aaron’s tenses and then he’s coming in Robert’s hand, hot and sticky.

 

Aaron’s hand is moving on Robert’s cock, slowed down but it’s more than enough to get Robert there. All he needs is the sound of Aaron in his ear, the way he wraps his free hand around Robert’s neck. When Aaron presses another kiss to Robert’s jaw, bites hard on it, Robert’s thrown over the edge, his own orgasm hitting hard and fast.

 

He gives them a moment, waits until his breathing is under control before rolling off Aaron. Robert can’t move but he wants to make Aaron comfortable. He drags himself up, turns to look at Aaron when he reaches out to stop him, bends to kiss him once, twice on the mouth. “I’ll be right back, yeah?” Aaron nods, lets him go. He runs a towel under warm water and returns to the bed. His heart does a flip in his chest when he sees Aaron there, on Robert’s bed. He cleans Aaron off then himself.

Aaron is pliant so Robert shoves at his hip. “Budge up.” Aaron scoots his way up the bed and Robert tries not to laugh at him. He pulls the blankets out from under them, settles in next to Aaron and covers them both. Aaron turns into Robert, head on his chest.

 

Robert’s heart sings with something like happiness and he doesn’t think about what this will mean later.

 

He has Aaron right now. It’s all that matters.

 

\-- --

 

Aaron wakes up in a familiar bed, warmth spread against his back and he presses his face into his pillow. He glances over his shoulder, catches the sunlight making Robert’s freckles more prominent. Aaron reaches out, traces the pattern they make and smiles when Robert’s eyes flutter open.

 

“Morning.”

 

Aaron hmms, leans in to kiss Robert. “Yes it is.”

 

Robert laughs as he returns the kiss, pulls Aaron closer. “I think I like you like this, Dingle. All soft and easy.”

 

Aaron slaps him hard on the shoulder. “Sod off, Sugden.” He scoots closer though, buries his head into Robert’s neck, sighs happily. Robert’s fingers trail up and down his arm. There’s a noise coming from the floor and Aaron sighs. “That’s me mobile, isn’t it?” He starts to protest when Robert moves to check and the grin Robert gives him settles something inside Aaron.

 

Robert’s not gone more than a minute, hands Aaron his mobile then presses him close again, rains kisses to Aaron’s head.

 

Aaron glances at his phone and everything stops.

 

Jackson’s sent him a text.

 

_I’ve missed you. Have a good week._

 

It’s nothing new, nothing Aaron hasn’t seen before but it throws everything into a tailspin. His chest starts to tighten and he can’t breathe. Robert’s there, next to him, takes the mobile gently from his hand then pulls him back into his embrace. His voice steady and quiet.

 

“You’ve done nowt wrong, Aaron. Just breathe.” Robert models it, breathes in and out until Aaron matches his. He keeps his hands on Aaron’s shoulder, doesn’t let him pull away. Aaron can’t look up at him but he -- they have to talk about it.

 

“What are we doing, Robert?”

 

Aaron feels Robert’s shrug against his face.

 

“Nothing we shouldn’t be. This was what -- this is what Jackson wanted. You trying -- being happy. Learning something.”

 

Robert tightens his hold when Aaron tries to look up at him, won’t let him move and Aaron knows it’s because whatever is on Robert’s face, he’s not ready to share. “So, we just -- do this knowing it’s going to end?” They thought makes Aaron feel queasy

 

“We just do this and let it be okay. That’s all. I just want you to be happy.”

 

Aaron nods, bites against the smile he wants to give Robert. There’s a thought and he has to voice it. “I don’t share, Robert.”

 

It’s honest and direct.

 

Robert nods. “Good cause neither do I.”

 

Aaron allows the smile to show up, buries his face in Robert’s chest and lays his face there, listens to the beating of Robert’s heart, feels contentment down to his bones.

 

\-- --

 

Robert turns out to be a pretty decent boyfriend (pretend boyfriend, almost boyfriend, whatever the case is).

 

No one is more surprised about that than Robert.

 

They don’t tell anyone, not officially, because how do you explain something you don’t even understand. But it’s not like they hide it. They can’t really because Robert tends to want to touch Aaron all the time. He does it without meaning to do it even.

 

The first times they go out to dinner at the pub on what Robert deems “date nights” (and let’s not get into how Aaron laughs in his face then), it’s not much different than any other time they’d gone to dinner together. Except for how they go back to Robert’s house to snog their faces off and fuck all over the flat. (Sometimes they can’t wait that long and Robert will corner Aaron in the loos. He’ll shove him into a stall, fall on his knees, pull down the zip from his trousers and free him for Robert to taste, lick, touch. Aaron loves it. He has to bite his hand to keep from making noise, his fingers gripping Robert’s head.)

 

There’s not one flicker in their direction though and Robert wonders if they’d been dating for longer than they realized.

 

It’s actually Robert who gives them away. He gets a call from Bernice about an emergency to do with Gabby and she needs his help.

 

Aaron waves him off and Robert leans down, kisses him, lingers a moment to watch Aaron open his eyes to look at him. It’s when he straightens to walk out the door that Robert realizes what he’s done. He looks back at Aaron, mouths a “Sorry” when he sees Chas approaching Aaron.

 

It trickles through the village then and Robert finds it easier to throw an arm around Aaron’s shoulder, to give him a quick peck on the cheek. Aaron’s becoming more comfortable and it gives Robert a thrill to be able to show him how he feels. Robert’s always been someone who likes to touch. He wants the people he cares about to know that he does.

 

Bob gives him big, wide grins whenever he sees him now and sometimes Robert forgets not to return them.

 

The first time Aaron kisses Robert in the pub is probably one of the best moments in Robert’s recent past. They’re having breakfast with Chas and Aaron gets a call out. He grumbles about missing his food, leans over and kisses Robert full on the lips in front of his mother and half the village. Robert doesn’t acknowledge it as being more than what it is.

 

He kisses Aaron back and says, “See you tonight, yea?”

 

Aaron grins at him and walks out without even thinking about what’d happened.

 

Chas is also grinning at him and Robert’s not comfortable with that at all. “What?”

 

“Nothing. You two are just a bit disgusting and i’m so proud and thrilled for ya.”

 

Robert dodges her attempts to pat him on the head and leaves out the back door. His gossipy village is too much for him.

 

If he’s grinning that’s no one’s business.

 

\-- --

 

Katie’s back in the village right around Christmas, ruining the holiday for everyone. Aaron’s angry on Andy’s behalf but he's furious on Robert’s. She walks in, wearing a new wedding ring and tells Andy she wants half of their farm.  Robert nearly has a heart attack. Aaron spends days calming him down. Even his mum isn’t on her side in it.

 

“She’s being unreasonable.” Chas says, after Katie and Andy have another screaming match in the pub. “I don’t see why she went and married Ryan. She’s never loved him.”

 

Aaron could care less about that. All that worries him is that Robert’s having be on Andy duty. His brother’s not taking Katie’s return well at all. There are days and nights that Robert is with Andy, stopping him from doing something stupid that could get him sent up or killed.

 

The day that Andy crashes his car with Robert in the passenger seat, Aaron kicks Katie out of the pub and bans her from coming in. Kerry comes in with the news and Aaron’s on his feet. No one was hurt but just seeing her sitting there with that smirk on her face made him angry. So he makes her leave. It won’t last long but it makes him feel better. He tells her she needs to keep her business at home and to stay away from Robert and Andy.

 

He waits for Robert at the Mill. He looks done in when he walks through the door, gives Aaron a tired smile and heads to the couch where Aaron is sitting. He lays his head on Aaron’s lap and doesn’t say much of anything. Aaron cards his fingers through Robert’s hair, notes how it’s getting long and know Robert’ll be getting it trimmed soon. (Aaron not so secretly loves it because he likes to hold on to it when he’s fucking Robert over the back of the couch or a table.)

 

“I banned Katie from the pub.”

 

Robert opens one eye and grins up at him. “I knew I kept you around for more than the amazing sex.”

 

Aaron hits his head with the palm of his hand gently. “Don’t be an arse.”

 

Robert yawns, curls up and his eyes drift closed. “I’m your arse, though, that’s something.” He falls asleep before Aaron can respond.

 

\-- --

 

Robert meets Liv just after Christmas. She comes to stay for a week after Boxing Day. Robert’s not sure what to think of her. She’s Aaron though. From the way she talks to the way she stands to how she cuts Robert down to size, she’s her big brother. She tests him the first few times he meets her, asks all kinds of questions.

 

Robert finds her funnier than Aaron does. She cuts him to size within a minute.

 

“Aren’t you a little old for him?”

 

Robert raises an eyebrow at her. “Not much older than Jackson actually.”

 

The face she makes at Jackson’s name almost makes him fall in love with her right then and there.

 

“He could do better.”

 

Robert can’t say he doesn’t agree.

 

She doesn’t like to share her brother with people and if anyone can understand wanting all of Aaron’s attention and time, it’s him.

 

“Aaron’s my favorite person.” She challenges him one morning when they go  out to eat brekkie at the cafe.

 

Robert grins at her, looks away from the menu board to reply. “Then, we’ve got that in common.” He leans in close and gives her a smile. “Cause he’s my favorite person, too.” Robert sees her try to hide a smile and calls that a win.

 

She’s friends with Gabby and Robert learns fast that they get into jams like he and Andy used to when they were kids.

 

They take her to the cinema, out to the cricket pavilion for a picnic and Robert even schedules her for dirt bike lessons for her birthday in February. They spend most of the week that she’s with them together. She talks him into watching The Walking Dad and he gets her to admit that anime isn’t completely stupid. Her week is gone quick and when she returns home at the end of it Robert misses her more than he’ll admit.

 

Aaron kisses him hard, presses him down on the couch and straddles him there when Robert mentions having her come stay with them for her next break.

 

\-- --

 

Aaron moves in with Robert little by little. They don’t notice because that’s how it happens. By the time Aaron realizes anything, they’ve been together for five months and Aaron’s spent a total of one night at his mum’s in the last two months.

 

He needs to sit on the edge of the bed and pulls out his mobile, dials Adam’s new mobile. He still can’t believe his best mate is home. It was the best birthday gift Aaron could have gotten.

 

“You alright?”

 

“I’m living with Robert.”

 

Adam laughs quietly. “Is that a question or…?”

 

“Ad, I might be losing it right now.”

 

He can almost hear Adam rolling his eyes. “Don’t overthink, Aaron. You’re happy, mate. I’ve never seen you like this -- ever, mate. Just enjoy it.”

 

But that’s the problem.

 

Aaron can’t because their time limit is looming. Jackson is in the horizon. The happier he is, the more he’s reminded that it’s not real, its not forever, no matter that he wants it to be.

 

Robert’d gotten into this with Aaron because there was an end in sight. Aaron’s not going to ask him for more than he’s willing to give. That’s not how they worked.

 

It was getting harder to think of the end. Every time Robert smiles at him, every time he finds Aaron’s gaze from across the room, every time he kisses Aaron, holds him, does something for one of Aaron’s own, remembers to call Liv to ask about a test or something that’s happening with her, takes a shift at the pub to give his mum some relief, it makes Aaron’s heart fill with love.

 

He loves Robert.

 

He is in love with Robert and he doesn’t know what to do with that.

 

Because Robert’s never talked about love, about this being forever and Jackson...he owes it to Jackson to try again. To take what he knows now, what’s he’s learned and give what they have another chance.

 

Aaron wants so much more for his life and he knows that if he tries, if he makes Jackson try, they could figure it out. He knows what’s missing now.

 

Aaron needs to let Robert go.

 

\-- --

 

Robert wants to be with Aaron.

 

“I love him.”

 

Vic and Adam grin at him, give each other a significant look and Robert wishes he could be happy like they are.

 

“Yous two are pretty gross, Robert.”

  
Adam nods. “It’s really disgusting, mate.”

 

It’s not just that he loves Aaron. It’s that he is stupidly-blow-his-life-apart-beg-him-never-to leave-Robert-in love with Aaron.

 

But there’s Jackson. There’s the person that Aaron’s been in love with for years. The person he still loves, that’s coming back and Robert can’t change that. He doesn’t want to do that to Aaron either. Rob wants Aaron to never hurt. He wants him to be happy.

 

That was the point of this. Allowing Aaron to be happy. To learn how to make his relationship with Jackson work better. Robert dies a little bit more every day. He stares at Aaron’s sleeping face, memorizes it because he knows it’s coming, the end and he can’t deal with the idea of losing it.

 

Aaron pulls away from Robert quietly. His things begin to move back to the pub. Robert wants to stop him, tell him this is his home, their home but he can’t. He doesn’t have that right. Jackson was there first.

 

It happens quicker than even he thinks.

 

“Did you all hear Jackson’s back tomorrow?”

 

Robert freezes and doesn’t look up when Aaron asks Paddy to repeat what he’d just said.

 

“Jackson's coming home.”

 

This was it.

 

They finish the dinner but it tastes like sand paper to Robert. Aaron keeps looking at him and Robert can’t meet his eyes. They walk slowly towards the flat and Robert drags his feet, wants to stretch out this moment. When they reach the house, Aaron turns to Robert, opens his mouth but Robert can’t hear him say it.

 

He crowds into Aaron’s space, like that first night, and kisses him slowly, pulls him through the door and up to their room. It was always going to be that. He clings to Aaron, meets his eyes and tugs at the shirt Aaron’s wearing. He wants to be with him in whatever way Aaron wants.

 

Aaron stops him, takes Robert’s face in his hands and just kisses and kisses and kisses. They turn deep, long and filled with so many of the words they can’t say. It’s Aaron’s goodbye and he doesn’t want to say it. He won’t be able to see Jackson and Aaron together. They won’t be able to stay mates because it will kill Robert. Aaron’s arms are around his neck, pulling him in, hands splayed across Robert’s back. Robert slides in between Aaron’s legs, covers him with his weight and heat and tries to send all his love in those touches. The moment rolls over them and they lay there, trading touches and kisses and nothing else.

 

Aaron falls asleep holding onto him and Robert fights it, wants to keep this moment lasting for as long as he can. He kisses Aaron’s forehead, one after another, whispers into his skin. “Be happy, Aaron. You deserve that. Be happy.”

 


	3. Part 3: The Forever

_part iii._

 

Jackson’s different.

Aaron sees that the first time he sees him again. He smiles more easily and openly. Aaron kisses him, deepens it for a moment, chases that thing he’s found with Robert. It’s not the same but he loves Jackson enough. He wants to tell him about everything but part of what they’d decided was that they’d just start again without talking it to death.

Jackson’s healthy, tanned and a glow to him that Aaron’d missed.

He grins at Aaron when he pulls away. “You look good, Aaron.”

Aaron smiles, avoids Jackson's eyes. “It’s been -- it was good for me.”

Jackson nods. “Me, too.” He motions with his eyes for Aaron to take his hand and he does. “I know i can’t feel that. But it doesn’t make it any less real. I want to -- if you’re willing -- to give it a proper go. I was too in my head sometimes and it wasn’t good for us. If you want to.”

Aaron gulps back the strange feeling in his chest, the way his mind says it’s not right, that Jackson’s hand doesn’t fit. It did once before and it can again.

“Of course I will do.”

“We can start slow, get to know each other again. I know we aren’t supposed to talk about it but -- Robert helped you?”

Aaron wants to cry and laugh at the same time.

“Yeah, Robert did.”

\-- --

The village is thrown by Aaron and Jackson.

The first time they walk in together, the pub seems to quiet completely. The whispers start immediately. His mum gives him an angry stare, pours out the drinks Jackson and Hazel order. When there is a moment, she grabs his sleeve, pulls him aside.

“What’s happened, Aaron? What is this?”

Aaron’s not wanting to talk about it. “Jackson and I are back on.”

Chas’ taken aback and waves her hand at Jackson then in the direction of the MIll. “What about Robert? He made you so happy, love. I don’t understand.”

“No, you don’t and you won’t. Just leave it, mum.” She won’t he knows, prepares for what is going to be an ugly confrontation later but for now she lets him go.

He’s not wrong about it. When he gets back home after his night out with Jackson, Chas and Paddy are waiting for him. Aaron rolls his eyes, sighs and sits without even arguing. “Go on, then.”

They exchange a look and then Paddy gives him a probing stare. “There’s something you aren’t telling us.”

Aaron contemplates lying for a minute but he knows they’ll get the truth eventually and their next move would be to confront Robert. Aaron rather not have Robert deal with his parents. He tells them everything. The reason he and Jackson had ended, how Robert had known, the fact that they’d been temporary.

“Robert’s in love with ya, Aaron.” Paddy says and Aaron’s stares at him, shakes his head.

“He’s not.”

“Oh, yeah he is, love.” His mum insists and the glare she sends him is equal parts angry and sad. “You don’t see it?”

Aaron shakes his head. “Love wasn’t part of it. Not for Robert. He was -- it was always about getting me back to Jackson. Getting us healthier. Letting me experience -- it doesn’t-”

Paddy pats his knee to stop it from jittering then keeps it there, squeezes it and makes Aaron meet his eyes. “Did you ever think that maybe you and Jackson grew apart because that’s what happens when people grow up?”

It’s a thought Aaron’s had, one that he’s pushed away when he and Jackson were together, one that’s been creeping into his mind the longer he and Robert had each other.

“It doesn’t matter, Paddy. Robert deserves more.”

“Aaron, you are everything to him.”

Chas nods. “It’s what I like most about him. How much he appreciates you, Aaron. He’s a mess and god knows I don’t understand half of his decisions. But you’re the one thing Robert’s gotten right.”

They let him go without more of a fight.

There’s not much resistance in the village at the change. They’ve gotten used to “RobertandAaron” and some of them give Aaron sad looks but few say much. He was glad for that. Jackson hadn’t asked and Aaron wasn’t willing to share what he’d had Robert with anyone.

The only people that seemed to outright hate him were Victoria (understandable), Bernice (again, understandable) and Bob (that one has Aaron stomped). Victoria refuses to talk with him and Adam’s caught in the middle. They’ve started up again and she can’t get past what’s happened.

Adam’s there for him even though he doesn’t understand.

“You were happy, bro.”

“I’m happy with Jackson, Adam.”

Adam lets out a disbelieving sound but doesn’t push. They’ve been talking about starting a business now Adam’s home. The notebook in front of them is filled with ideas. Aaron threads carefully but eventually he has to ask.

“How’s Robert?”

Aaron’s not seen him since --

Adam shakes his head. “Don’t ask.”

His heart hurts, chest tight and he opens his mouth to demand that Adam tell him what he wants to know but his best mate shuts him down. Aaron itches to stop by the Mill, to see Robert.

He knows he can’t.

\-- --

“You look a right mess, Rob”

Bob lays a cookie and Americano down on the table in front of Robert. He doesn’t remember ordering either one but then he can’t remember much of what’s happened.

“I -- I don’t know how to respond to that.”

Bob squeezes his shoulders, smiles at him, sad and sympathetic. “You don’t need to say anything.” Robert’s grateful for that, for having made one friend in this village not connected to Aaron. He glances down at his watch. Aaron and Adam would be coming in soon and he needs to get out.

He juggles his things, wipes his hands down his shirt front and sees the way Nicola’s eyes widen but he doesn’t care. It’s clothes and he can use the laundry like anyone else. He gets out quick, makes his way home and only begins to breathe properly again once he’s back in the flat.

It’s been hard to get used to it without Aaron. The memories assault him sometimes but they’ve also helped. He’s avoids seeing Aaron and Jackson by hiding out. He thinks that moving out of the village would be the easiest way. Maybe a place in Hotten where he’s not too far from Vic and Andy.

His brother walks down the stairs and Robert turns to him. He stops at the bottom when he sees Robert, frowns. “I thought you were going to go out.”

Robert waves his Americano in the air. “I did. Now I’m back.” He sits on the couch, leans his head against the cushions. He’s not been this tired in his life.

“You should tell him, Rob.”

Robert sighs and tries not to add another notch in the tally of how many times they’ve had this conversation.

“Andy.”

“Fine but I really think you need to let him know what’s gone with you. What’s changed. He can’t make the right decision if he don’t have all the information, can he?” Andy raises his hands. “But you’re gonna be stubborn so I’m just shutting up now. I’ll see you tonight.”

Andy had shown up at Robert’s doorstep two days after Aaron had left. He’d sat with Robert while his brother did nothing but stare into space and drink. He’d picked up after Robert, feed him and tried to get him to sleep. Robert's asked why and Andy’s said, “I owe you, brother.”

Now he’s alone, Robert can just let his body fold and he does, falls back on the couch and closes his eyes.

Being without Aaron is like missing a limb. He hates every minute of it. He wants to find him. Kiss him and beg him to come home. But he can’t. He’s still not that guy that’s going to do that. Not anymore. He passes the day like that and when there’s a knock at the door, he pulls himself up to check.

Bernice flies into the room, a flurry of perfume and hair, it almost makes Robert smile. “Alright, you! Let’s get you in the shower and dressed.”

Robert’s not sure what’s happening but he’s being pushed up the stairs. “Bernice, what are you on about?”

“We’re going out.”

“I’m not in the right mood for that, Bernice.”

She pshaws at him, waves her manicured hand in his face. “Of course you’re not but you will be. Come on, get in. The shower I mean.” He can’t fight her so he lets her do what she wants. He’s not got the energy anymore. He dresses with the clothes she hands him. She drives them into town and takes him to her favorite joint. The music is not bad and the drinks aren't watered down so Robert doesn’t complain. He drinks until he can’t see straight and Bernice joins him.

He’s there an hour when a long-legged brunette makes her way over. He’s been eyeing her all night. She smiles at him, takes the seat next to his and asks him directly if he wants to go with her. He nods, says his goodbye to Bernice who waves him off with a smile and a thumbs up.

Janice -- he thinks that's what she said -- takes him to a nice flat not far from the club. Robert doesn’t wait, he pulls her close, kisses her gently. She sighs into it, removes his jacket, her hands are warm and smooth. Robert pulls away, shakes off the feeling that it’s not right. They make their way to the bedroom and Robert lets her throw him down, holds on to her hips when she straddles.

_Aaron’s smile is warm and open, one leg resting over Robert’s hips. He leans down to kiss Robert but his other hand is behind him. The light glistens off his naked skin and Robert needs air, can’t breathe from the want…_

“Aaron.”

The word hangs in the air between them and Janice pulls back, studies him for a long moment. His hands are on her stomach, one just below her breast and Robert tells it to move but it doesn’t. She’s now looking at him with understanding.

“How long’s it been then?”

He doesn’t bother denying it. “A couple of weeks.” He starts talking about “his Aaron” and how he’d wrecked it like always. He’d been too afraid to do what he wanted. That Aaron deserves better and he’s getting that now.

“Bollocks.” She says and sits up, away and Robert tries to keep her there but she shakes her head. “You don’t want this, Robert.” She pats his face. “Come on, you can stop here for the night. Go home in the morning when you’ve sobered.” He falls face down on the couch.

In the morning when he wakes she gives him coffee and makes sure he gets into his taxi without any incident. She kisses his cheek and says quietly in his ear. “Go get your Aaron.”

\-- --

Aaron’s been in a right mood for days. He knows why and he hates it with every fiber of his being. He’d caught Robert coming home early morning, hair a mess, clothes strewn, and he’d wanted to find out where he’d been, who with. Aaron wanted to erase all traces of whoever had their hands on his -- Robert. His Robert.

His mother’s been staying out his way and Robert hasn’t been into the pub since they’ve ended which is for the best because Aaron's ready to kill him. It’s not fair, he knows it.

And then there’s Jackson.

Things are -- strange. He seems to be waiting for something. Aaron’s stayed over, they’ve shared a bed, and it’s nice. He remembers how it was with them before. But some mornings Aaron has to leave the room because for one second before he opens his eyes, he thinks it’ll be Robert there with him and it chokes him, makes him angry and sad.

“Who’s the woman in Robert’s house?”

His head turns at the sentence, looks over to see Kerry asking Bob. He stares without caring if anyone notices.

“Chrissie White.”

“The ex?”

“The one and the same.”

Aaron’s hands flex on his pint and he drink it down in one go.

He doesn’t have a right to Robert. He can’t say anything.

\-- --

“You’re a sad, pathetic mess, Robert Sugden.” Chrissie chews on the toast Robert made her, grins as she talks. “It’s probably the best thing that’s happened to me in ages.”

Robert rolls his eyes. “Ta, Chrissie.”

“Those bags under your eyes could carry most of my clothes. I’ll know for next time. Won’t bring as much.”

“You just get funnier every time we meet, Christina.”

She huffs in frustration. “This is not as enjoyable if you aren’t snapping back, Robert.” She shoves his jacket at him. “Now that you’ve bathed and gotten properly dressed, you’re taking me out to eat.”

“What about the figures?”

“We’ll do work over dinner.” She waits for him by the door and Robert knows better than to fight here. Most days she’s a shark but on the rare occasion she’s like the sharks found in that movie Liv loved about the tornados full of sharks. It was never a pretty or quiet sight.

They walk down to the pub against Robert’s wishes. He stops at the door and Chrissie waits for him, gives him a minute. He opens the door and she steps through, he follows slowly. The dinner shift is usually the busiest of the day. Every eye in the place turns toward them. Robert’s gaze finds Aaron’s right away. He’s in the back booth with Jackson.

Robert’s heart gives a stutter, starts up in double time and he holds on to the bar for a moment to orient himself. Chrissie waits for him and he leads her to the table as far away from Aaron as he can. There’s a prickle at the back of his neck and he knows Aaron’s gaze, knows what it feels like. He doesn’t turn but Chrissie stares right past his shoulder.

“Oh, he’s not happy.”

“This was a bad idea.”

Chrissie nods. “Maybe. Let’s just have a drink, yeah. Then, we’ll go back to your flat. I’ll get them.”

Robert notices Aaron leaning against the bar, looking back at their table and he tries to stop Chrissie but it’s too late.

This was Robert Sugden’s personal hell. He follows her to the bar.

\-- --

Aaron’s grip on his glass is turning his knuckles white. His mum eyes him warily. “Don’t break that, love.”

“Hiya, Chas.”

Aaron’s breath hitches at the sound of Robert’s voice and he turns his head slightly, sees him standing next to the woman he’d walked in with. Robert looks at him, smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Aaron.”

But Aaron’s stare is stuck on Chrissie who’s looking back, a challenge in her eyes that Aaron doesn’t like at all.

“Can we get two pints, Chas?”

“Yeah.”

His mum doesn’t move, glares at the woman. He hears Robert sigh before he says, “This is my boss, Chrissie White. Chrissie, Aaron and Chas Dingle.”

Chrissie grins at them both, her eyes staying on Aaron though. “It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard quite a bit about you.” It’s directed at Aaron and the flames licking away inside his chest burst into a raging fire.

“Is that so?”

Robert takes his drink and moves down the bar, glances back at Chrissie and something on his face registers with Aaron.

He’s unhappy.

It makes Aaron’s own heart fill with -- something he can’t describe. “Yes, he mentioned you to me. Once or twice.”

Chrissie smiles meanly, leans in close. “It’s always been that way with him, hasn’t it? Except it looks like it’s caught up with him this time.”

Aaron grits his teeth. He hates that she talks that way about Robert. That she even knows him enough to be able to. “I wouldn’t know.”

Chrissie shakes her head. “That’s alright. Eventually, he’ll get past it. He’ll find someone else. It’s what we do, isn’t it?” She blatantly looks over at Jackson who’s laughing with Adam.

Aaron turns to her. “You think he’d go back with you.” His eyes narrow and when she throws her head back, laughs, Aaron sees red. He needs to go.

\-- --

Robert feels Aaron run past him, back to Jackson and turns to face Chrissie.

“What’s the point of all this?”

Chrissie makes a face. “I don’t like seeing you like this, Robert. It’s not natural. So, listen to me. That man right there is in love with you. He wants you and the idea of you with anyone else is killing him and probably making him want to kill.”

Robert shakes his head.

“Don’t be obtuse, Robert. Talk to him.”

\-- --

Robert thinks about what Chrissie says over the next day and he starts to wonder if he’s not missing something. She’s not the first to say that. Chas and Paddy keep trying to talk him into coming by for dinner. Chrissie’s gone and he’s grateful for that because he isn’t in a place to deal with her.

There’s a knock and Robert glances at the clock. It’s nearly ten at night. He moves as quickly as he can. Aaron’s inside the flat before the door is even fully open. Robert stares at him as he paces around the room. He closes the door quietly.

“Aaron, what are you doing?”

 

“Did you sleep with her?”

  
Robert blinks. “What?”

 

“Chrissie. Did you?”

 

Something snaps inside of Robert and he moves fast, gets up in Aaron’s space, yells. “Are you kidding me? I have to watch you with Jackson all over this town and you have a problem with me possibly having something with an ex?”

Aaron’s breathing hard and Robert knows this is a bad idea. They have too much left unsaid, too much between them.

“Answer the question.”

“No!” Robert shouts. “I can’t seem to sleep with anyone else lately. Probably because I’m mad about you!”

Aaron stops moving. “Say that again.”

Robert rolls his eyes. “Go to hell, Aaron.” He tries to turn but Aaron’s right there, inside his bubble, surrounding him.

“Say it again, please.”

Robert takes a deep breath. “I’m mad about you. I love ya-”

It explodes in heat and want. Aaron’s got him up against the wall, clawing at Robert’s clothes. He grips Robert’s head, slants their mouths together and he wants to have all of Aaron. Aaron is frantic and Robert tries to slow him down but it’s like Aaron’s possessed and Robert gives in, gives up. He feels Aaron’s hand on his pajama bottoms, undoing Robert’s ties, and pushing down until Robert’s free, cock hard against Aaron’s hand.

He groans into Aaron’s kiss, grabs at his shoulders and lets Aaron haul him up, his back scraping against the cold behind him. There’s lube just off the side of the living room table where they’d kept it when Aaron lived there. Aaron lets go of Robert for a moment, leaves him half naked, panting against the wall to grab some. He’s back before Robert can get his head together, his mouth finding Robert’s once more. The kisses are slower, longer and deeper. Robert’s back is against the wall again, his legs wrapped around Aaron’s waist.  
He sucks in a breath when Aaron’ fingers penetrate him, his head hitting the wall and a long moan letting loose. He tries to keep a balance, fingers scraping at the wall. Aaron makes quick work and then Robert looks down, sees the Aaron enter him with one long, swift move.

There’s a burst of stars against his eyelids and he groans, fixes his hands on Aaron’s shoulders to hold on. Aaron readjusts and he's all the way in, and Robert stops breathing. Aaron moves and it’s fast and frantic and all Robert wants is this for the rest of their lives.

“Look at me. Robert, please, look at me.”

He opens his eyes, grips Aaron’ head with one hand and presses their foreheads together. “I’m- I’m here.” Aaron uses his hold on Robert to move him, pulls almost out before plunging back in. The wall is holding most of their weight and Aaron’s hips jerk in rhythm, pick up the pace and Robert feels it start in his toes, down his spine and he comes with his mouth on Aaron’s cheek, the words falling without his premission.

“I love you I love you I love you.”

Aaron moans his name, stutters a few times and he’s coming in Robert.

Robert grimaces when Aaron pulls out and he slides down the wall, takes Aaron with him. They’re still without pants but Robert doesn’t care. His face rests on Aaron’s stomach, Aaron’s fingers sliding through his hair.

He feels it the minute Aaron realizes what’s happened. His entire body tenses and Robert is confused for a moment until he remembers.

Jackson.

Aaron was with Jackson and Robert’d just helped him cheat.

Aaron gently pulls away, helps Robert to his feet and fixes his clothes, kissing his head and Robert does the same. They can’t stop staring but reality is crashing in. Robert steps back, legs barely holding him. “I --” Robert knows Aaron and the guilt is building.

“It doesn’t have to mean anything.” Robert tries but Aaron glares at him because the hell it doesn’t. But this is Aaron’s decision, he needs to make it and Robert can’t tell him what to do.

“I have to go.”

He hesitates, looks like he wants to say or do something but can’t. He walks out, closing the door gently behind him and Robert’s left alone.

\-- --

It’s been two weeks since Aaron’s seen Robert. He knows what he wants to do, what he needs to do but he can’t bring himself to. He’s staring at Robert dancing with Sarah on the dance floor. The smile tugging at his mouth is warm and loving. Robert glances up, grinning at his sister then his eyes fall on Aaron. His smile wavers but he doesn’t look away.

“Everything okay with you two?”

Aaron looks down at Jackson. “Yeah.”

Jackson pursues his lips. “Really? Because you two were particularly inseparable when I left and you’ve barely seen him since I got back.”

“It’s nothing, Jackson.”

“Aaron!” He turns at the sound of his sister’s voice, grins and waves at her. She’s wearing a purple dress that Debbie had bought for her. The wedding reception was bouncy, half the village there to celebrate Pete and Debbie. It’s an odd pairing but who was he to comment on that.

He sees Liv’s face light up when she catches sight of Robert, watches as she runs toward him and he grins at her. He hugs her close, picks her up and spins her round some. Aaron’s chest caves in with all the love he feels and he just --

“Jackson, I need -”

There’s something over the speakers, Debbie’s voice and then Ross’ and everything goes into chaos. Robert’s at the front, tries to hold Pete back. His mum is pulling Liv away toward the back.

The deafening sound that comes from above Aaron is terrible and he puts his hands to ears. He can see the roof caving in, and he's pushing at Jackson's chair. They’ve stayed near the entrance and he manages to get Jackson to Hazel whose stood by the door.

“Go!,”he screams at her, turns in time to see everything fall in. Aaron tries to go back inside but Cain’s holding him in place. He’s screaming for Liv, for Robert. He calls out for his mum and dad. Aaron’s coughing, can’t breathe with the debris and dust. People are moving. He helps Dan to his feet then they both pull Kerry up and out. He turns his head and sees Robert pulling Marlon to his feet.

Robert’s okay. Robert’s okay.

He goes to find his mother. She’s not anywhere but he knows she was headed outside. Aaron needs to glance back, needs to see that Robert is really still there. He watches him and Marlon pull his dad to his feet and another vice around his heart loosens. They move toward the exit, Aaron moving boards as he goes.

There’s a creaking noise from above and he frowns. “We need to go now!” He screams at the top of his lungs. They move faster, outside its chaos but more controlled. The emergency services are arriving. Jackson’s with Hazel talking to some police. He sees his mum and she’s running to him, frantic.

Aaron reaches her as she cries out, “We can’t find Liv.”

His heart stops and he shakes his head. “She was with you. You had her.”

“I’m sorry, love. We got separated and I was thrown out.”

“Oh. God, no.” He turns to run back but the police and the emergency services block his path.

“It’s my sister!”

He sees Robert near the entrance, watches as he looks back to Aaron and then he’s inside. Aaron’s shaking his head “Robert! Robert, no!” Some others follow him inside either to get him out or to try to find the others that are missing. Victoria and Andy are running toward him and he points, “He’s just gone back in!”

Andy growls. “What in the hell for?!”

“Liv, he’s gone back for her.”

The helicopter -- and how the hell that’s even happened Aaron doesn’t know -- tilts down and the noise returns, louder and worse than before. Aaron screams as it disappears, takes the rest of the roof and building with him. His legs give out and his mom is holding on to him.

No. No. Liv. Robert. Not --

He makes out the figure coming from the entrance and he’s up, running toward him. Robert’s covered in soot and Liv’s in his arms, her face hiding in Robert’s neck. Aaron’s on them both, crushing them in a hug, gripping Robert’s neck and Liv’s head. Liv’s swatting at him. “Lemme go, you nut. I’m fine.” Robert’s looking between them and then his gaze falls on Aaron and he doesn’t care - Aaron doesn’t care

\-- he has to kiss him.

Robert’s lips are pliant, dry and he makes a noise when Aaron takes his face in hands. The tears in his eyes fall down his face. “Thank you. I - I lo-”

“Aaron, stop snogging him so he can let me down and get to the EMS, he’s hurt!”

That registers with him and Aaron pulls away, looks at Robert’s pained face and then down, sees the blood on the ground.

“Put her down.” He holds onto Robert, steadies him as he wavers and then turns to call for EMS.

“Aaron.”

He turns to look at Robert just in time to see his eyes roll to the back of his head and Robert falls to the ground.

Liv’s screaming, “Someone help him!”

Aaron's on the floor, touching Robert’s face. “No, don’t you dare do this. Robert, open your eyes.” The EMS push him away, get Rob on a gurney and they’re moving to the ambulance. Aaron tries to go with him but only family can. Victoria squeezes his shoulder as she gets in.

“Follow us.”

Like anyone was going to stop him.

He tries to get Liv to stay with his mum but she won’t have it, insists that she’s going to see Robert. “You’re wasting time giving me aggro, Aaron. Let’s go.”

He flies down to Hotten, can’t remember the drive if he tries and parks somewhere he hopes isn’t illegal, grabs Liv’s hand and they run into hospital. His family’s there. Debbie’s been hurt and he stops to find out how she is. His mum tells him to go, tell Robert that he better not be hurt too much or she’d have something to say about it. He hugs her, kisses her cheek and grabs his sister’s hand again. They move around the A&E, trying to find Victoria. He spots Adam and runs toward him.

“Is he okay?”

Adam hugs him, smiles softly. “He’s in surgery.” He puts a calming hand on Aaron’s shoulder. “He’s gonna be alright. They just need to patch him up but the doctor said his injuries were minor and he’d recover fine.”

Liv jumps up and down then catches herself and just lets Victoria hug her.

“What’s wrong with him? What’d he pass out?”

“He’s lost some blood, cracked a few ribs, but it wasn’t anything fatal. The surgery is to plug the leak I suppose.” Adam hugs him close, kissing the top of Aaron’s head. “He’s not about to go anywhere, is he? Not now that things got interesting.”

Aaron meets Adam’s delighted stare and he smiles. “You saw that, did you?”

“Aaron, I’m pretty sure the whole of Emmerdale and half of Hotten’s finest saw that.”

Victoria glares at him, points a finger at him. “If you hurt him again.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

They wait an hour until the surgeon comes out, tells them Robert’s fine, under sedation but he’ll be going home in a couple of days . He can have one visitor at a time. Aaron turns to Victoria and she waves him in.

He makes his way to Robert’s room, opens the door cautiously and stops in place. Robert looks small and pale. Aaron knows he’s going to be okay. They said he would be but -- he reaches for Robert’s hand, feels that spark, the sense of rightness and brings it to his lips. Pulling a chair up, he leans over Robert, kisses his forehead, touches his to Robert’s, whispers, “I love you. You hear that? I love you.” His voice wavers, watery with tears and he closes his eyes, leans his cheek against Robert’s “Don’t you ever do that to me again. Seein' you go in there, watching it fall -- I can’t handle losing you, Robert. Please, please don’t leave me, ok?”

Aaron breathes in Robert, lets his heart open fully, lets go of everything else.

\-- --

Hazel opens the door and takes in Aaron’s clothes. “You’ve not changed? Come on, love.” He steps inside, looks around at the boxes not unpacked and thinks that maybe he knew this all along.

“Jackson in his room?”

“Go on in.”

He steps through the door, around some more boxes and into Jackson’s line of sight. “Hiya.”

Jackson’s smile is tinged with some sadness. “Hiya.”

Aaron sits on the bed, takes a breath because he needs to do this quick.

Jackson beats him to the punch as always.

“How long have you been in love with him?”

Aaron doesn’t bother even asking how he’d known. “I’m not sure. I just know I love him now. I’m in love with him, Jackson.”

Aaron’s crying and he reaches for Jackson’s hand, squeezes even though he knows it’s not going to be felt. But the act of doing it is enough. “I’ve loved you a long time you know, right?”

Jackson smiles, tears in his own eyes. “I know. We’ve been in each other’s lives for what feels like forever.” He tries to clear his throat. “It’s okay. I think we both clung to each other because it was what we thought had to happen. It wasn’t fair.”

“I don’t regret any of it.”

Jackson agrees. “I don’t either.” He grins suddenly. “Jesus, but you sure know how to pick them.”

Aaron laughs, tears tracking down his cheeks and he gets up, hugs Jackson to him, kisses his cheeks. “Thank you for loving me.”

Jackson smiles back. “Thank you for letting me.”

\-- --

Robert’s exhausted.

He would never have guessed that being on bed rest would have been so tiring. Diane insists that he stay at the pub until he’s better. He just got there and the stay so far had him jittery. He’s afraid he’s going to run into Aaron any minute. He knows Aaron was at the hospital to see him. Liv’d told when she’d come to visit.

But Robert hasn’t seen him since. It’s been days since the kiss and the almost declaration. Robert’s not sure where they are. He thinks it was just the moment. That Aaron thought better of it and stayed with Jackson.

Liv calls them both idiots. She talks Robert into seeing a different movie every day, her legs sprawled across his lap and she tells him that both he and Aaron have issues and they need to get on it. She’s angling to come live with them but they need to get it together first.

He doesn’t know where they stand.

\-- --

Aaron’s at the end of the bar, eyes on Robert on the other end, sat between his sister and Adam. He takes a drink from his pint. He’s given himself a few days to let go of his relationship with Jackson, to mourn it properly. They’re waiting for dinner and if Aaron’s going to do this, it’s now. He plucks his courage, heads over to the lot of them. Adam’s the first to see him, stops mid-sentence, then grins at him, moves away from Robert and to Vic’s other side. He whispers something in her ear and she glances at him.

Robert turns his head, eyes widen a little, and he smiles slowly. Aaron can’t let him talk, not if this is going to work. Robert starts to but then he stops when Aaron shifts against he bar, leans an elbow on it and gives Robert a wide smile.

“Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?”

Robert’s confusion is evident but Aaron tries again.

“If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”

Aaron sees the dawning in Robert’s eyes, his smile gets brighter.

“You make me harder than a question on University Challenge.”

Robert’s laughing now, his hands grip on Aaron’s shirt, pull him forward. Aaron’s saved his favorite.

“Can I take you up The Shard?”

He kisses the laugh out of Robert’s mouth, right there in the middle of his family’s pub, in front of half the village. Robert’s mouth is warm, tastes like beer and chips, it’s everything Aaron’s wanted and he grins. Robert’s hands push through his hair and Aaron sighs. He needs Robert to know.

“Hey.”

Robert’s eyes are closed. “Hmm?”

“Look at me, Robert.”

Robert does and Aaron kisses him once more, leans away to gaze into his eyes.

“It was always going to be you, Robert.”

He kisses Robert’s smile, can’t think he’ll ever stop and promises forever.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was lovingly called Robert Sugden is Aaron Dingle's Sexual Reawakening...which morphed into much more than that but it still counts. It's taken forever and the editing was hell so any mistakes are all mine. 
> 
> Thanks to my artist Oni (dasoni) who was amazing to work with and gave me some wonderful, incredible stuff. She is so talented! 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!


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